I'd like to put all manufacturers of double-ended dildos on notice that you are failing in your product descriptions on your websites.
Specifically - here's where you are blowing it...
Your products are designed for a woman to insert one end of the toy inside herself and use the other end of the toy in her partner. Awesome so far. But you seem to have forgotten one important fact.
Her partner can be either male or female.
Now, who knows what the gender percentages are; I don't believe those studies have been done yet. But to direct your advertising towards only one segment of that group is...blowing it.
How, specifically, are you blowing it?
You are making the claim on your manufacturer's websites that your product is designed to be used without a harness without differentiating between heterosexual or lesbian use.
It could be that you don't read the forum boards or you don't have any heterosexual customers testing your products. Perhaps you just are too attached to the "strapless" claim. Maybe your product was really designed for lesbian strap-on sex and you just don't care that there are hetero couples out there that might add to your sales. Or maybe you just want the initial sale and since you don't sell harnesses you don't really care what happens after that. I would like to believe you care more about your customers than that. After all, we are talking profits here.
You see... there are a LOT of heterosexual couples who try to use your products without a harness, fail and then seek advice.
In my estimation approximately 95% of women who are engaging in heterosexual strap-on sex - also called "pegging" - must use a harness to keep your product inside them. Why? Because anal sphincter muscles are stronger than vaginal muscles, no matter how many Kegels a woman does. Very, very few women are able to use a double-ended dildo for pegging without a harness. And yet you advertise it that way.
So couples try it, get frustrated and discover they need a harness. Sometimes these couples even give up and pegging is taken off the table completely - most often by the women - who experience most of said frustration. Sometimes these women even end up feeling "less than" because they are told that if their muscles were strong enough they could keep the toy inside them.
By the time they purchase a harness and get it right (if they indeed push past the frustration), their enthusiasm for recommending your product has lessened considerably from when they first bought it. And they may even have a touch of resentment that the advertising of your product did not mention a harness is usually essential to successful use, which alienates customers from additional purchases.
What you want is success stories with your product. Success stories boosts sales.
Fuze Tango says, "works perfectly with a harness".
Not bad. But it would be better to say a harness is recommended for pegging.
Tantus' Feeldoe/Realdoe has "patented strapless strap-on" claims all over the website. The only mention of a harness is very hard to find and says, "If you just love your leathers, or haven't done your Kegel's don't fret, an old fashioned 3 strap harness will fit it! Bike shorts work wonders, too, and fittingly so since it really is like learning to ride a bike."
Cute, but implies that most women should be able to use it without a harness. And they even say that 80% of their sales are to heterosexual couples! You'd think they would give them more accurate information since that is the bulk of their sales.
Fun Factory Share says, "without a harness", "suitable for harnesses", and "...slight ridge for improved hold..." depending on whether you are looking at the Share XL, the Share or the Share XS (in that order).
Confusing and inaccurate.
The less well-known doubles don't do any better...
Eternal Swan (not in USA) says, "created to be worn without a harness".
Ummm...for whom? Not for heterosexuals.
Fetish Fantasy Elite 8" Strapless Strap-On says, "hands-free penetration without a harness or strap" and claims, "It's great to use on both sexes".
Misleading and inaccurate.
I remain puzzled by the lack of factual information for heterosexual couples exploring strap-on equipment. The couples are often new at this, so they need good information. They are also the majority of your sales - so it would behoove you to pay attention and give them what they need to make a good purchasing decision.
Thankfully, some retailers are putting more information on their websites through reviews as well as product descriptions. Hopefully the manufacturers will realize the importance of informing their customers with facts and recognizing the large share of the double dildo market that heterosexuals comprise.
Someday...!
Update - A more in-depth article here: The Truth About Strapless Strap-ons
15 Responses
Great post!
The thing that bugs me most is the ‘weak kegels’ thing.
“If only you’d done your kegel exercises, flabby-vagina bitches!”
Because there aren’t ENOUGH sex-related things for women to feel bad about, amirite?!
Ferns
LOL – “flabby vagina bitches”. Ferns – that’s hysterical!
I concur. This is one of the greatest comments this site has received.
Ferns has quite a way with words – check out her blog. I recommend especially this post about one of her first domme experiences, if you enjoy BDSM. I found it riveting the first time I read it. Still do.
Ruby, keep fighting the good fight. Sexual topics have to evolve in popularity before customers can be segmented. The internet has helped with that. For more taboo topics, the evolution is generally from “extreme fetish” to “mainstream fetish” to “hey this isn’t so bad” to “its in Cosmo”. And I think that is what we find in packaging in labeling. Clearly, from a marketing standpoint, lesbian focused sex is the main customer for this product. Only a few strapon systems (sorry to be so formal) are clearly focused on the heterosexual relationship. I think of Bend Over Boyfriend as a real breakthrough product from a market and target audience perspective (btw I have received and concur that it is too small, but that could be because I have a well cushioned tush).
I think the strapless design could provide a marketing label of “works best with ‘this company’s’ harness” and then it could be another revenue stream for that company. This could help the company not segment its customers and still appeal to both lesbian and heteosexual couples.
I would go a step further and suggest that I believe double ended strapon systems are a more intimate way of sharing pleasure with a partner during pegging. I’ve had multiple instances in the past where the woman was so turned on by the session that she stopped and immediately requested penetration.
Being a perfect gentleman, I obliged.
Suggesting that a strapless dildo “works best with ‘this company’s’ harness” is indeed a step in the right direction, but still does not inform heterosexual couples that the chances are overwhelming that she will need one. Perhaps that conversation in advertising verboten because of words like ‘anal sphincters’ and such… I don’t see much difference between strap-ons and butt plugs, though I’m sure other people do.
Too bad that so many newbies who don’t do their research have bad experiences. On top of it all (pun intended) – I can’t say I recommend a double for a first toy; the learning curve in learning how to fuck is too steep all by itself without the added complexities of a double and the pressure of his expectation/hope she will get off from using it.
Re: The BOB beginner kit – I have Tantus’ ear and have told them it’s too short. They will eventually be making some changes. The beginner kit dildos are 4″ and 5″. The intermediate kit has 5.5″ and 7″ – much more reasonable.
I completely agree that a double connects partners more intimately. The tactile feedback of a double is much better not to mention the G-spot stimulation. I’m looking forward to…using it more.
You are indeed a gentleman – and a talented gentleman; not all men can manage an erection after pegging. I’ve always thought that would be the hottest order of things; do him and then he does me…but penises are sometimes fickle in conjunction with prostate glands.
Amen, Sister!
The “harness-free” double dildo manufacturers’ websites are 99.9% aimed at Lesbian couples. Actually, I think they are afraid to promote heterosexual use, except as a quiet aside to those who read the content carefully. Reason? Pegging is still considered way-out-there kinky by most people. It’s still in the closet, so to speak. Contrast that with Lesbian sex, which is now fully approved by the majority of Americans. (California even has a married Lesbian judge.) And those who still disapprove of Lesbian couples probably watch Lesbian porn secretly. Pegging, on the other hand violates all kinds of societal norms. Despite your efforts and the underground legion of peggers like my wife and me, it may be a decade or two before we’re widely recognized and catered to commercially.
Sometimes I forget that I am “way-out-there kinky” according to most people… :-/
Hoping to change a few minds this weekend in Long Beach – the BIL conference!! I will be speaking at 4PM on the main stage, Saturday March 2nd!
Maybe I can cut that time to a decade or less…
This heterosexual male says GREAT POST !
You’ve been forthcumming about the SHORTcummings of double dildos for some time which begs the question , have your observations been forwarded to said double dildo manufacturers and distributors ?
Thanks and keep up your usual good work in improving the pegging experience !
Thank you!
I tweeted this to them the day I put this post up:
But I should probably send them messages, too.
I only have so much time… :-/
My wife and i have been pegging for years, she is very petite and most straps dont fit her. I ended up making a custom strap for her, but it doesnt work with the “double” we recently purchased. She loves pegging me and i find it to be a mind blowing exerience, but some times she has to stop mid stream and have me penetrate her since we are stuck using strapped non-double toys, i ofcourse oblige her but i wish we could find a double that works for both of us. It seems the hetero market it greatly untapped in this niche.
(Read and responded to this on podcast #81) Basically I need more information – what double do you have? What harness have you tried? What are your wife’s measurements?
Thank you for your response. The double we have is the GalPal 6+, which over all is a pretty good toy….but definatly not designed for F/M “pegging”. As for the harnes, it has been so long since the purchase i couldnt tell you, but i made a custom harness to fit my wifes small frame (size 4, (US)) but when i made it we didnt have the double and i made it to be compatable with standard strap on dildos, so now im stuck figuring out the best way to make a harness for use with a double. I wish the male/female double market wasnt overlooked by manufacturers, and i thank you Ruby for bringing attention to our kink and hopefully bring us into the main stream of “acceptable” kinks
Thank you for this post. My husband really enjoys pegging and I’ve been rather “meh” about it because I feel awkward and its too hard to keep it in place. I’m a short chunky girl and he’s a whole foot taller than me, so finding a position where I can even get it in is hard. I thought it was just me. Now, I am off to find a harness to make this more enjoyable for both of us!
It is indeed hard to keep a double in place – get thee to a harness, woman!! lol And have fun.