A couple of years ago I was cruising around on a vanilla dating site contemplating my kinkiness, which I’d just begun to explore. I came across a profile of a tall, handsome man with a windswept picture of him on a sailboat out at sea. He had a list of things he liked and I think he phrased it as, “I believe in…” The two things I remember from that list were 600 thread-count sheets and eye contact at the moment of penetration.
That last one truly inspired me and I took it forward into the relationship I found myself in several months later. The man I was dating was inspired by it, too and we made a ritual of holding each other’s gaze at the moment either I was penetrating him or he was penetrating me. Those moments were heady.
There is a way in which that eye contact connected us even more deeply than the kissing and foreplay and body contact. It was an intentional pause and placing of importance on what was happening in that moment. Like a fist grabbing the front of your shirt (in a nice way) in a message of pay attention that brought you instantly and fully into the present moment. It felt amazing.
I loved watching his mouth open, his eyes glaze over a bit and a look of vulnerability and wonder appear just as I was pushing inside him. I know he was enjoying something similar when he was penetrating me.
So that’s what sent me into O-land last night. A replaying of some of those moments, the positions we were in, what bed we were sharing, who was taking whom. Sweet stuff. Hot stuff. because for me, the hottest stuff has the sweetness, too.