Oct 03 2013

Orientation Concerns

Hi, I'm writing you because I'm very new to pegging. I've been with my bf for over a year & a half & we've done anal play with hands to each other plenty of times. We recently went to a sex store to look around, & I noticed he kept going towards the dildos & strap ons. I want to make him happy, so we purchased one.

We used it the other night on him, & since then my mind has been racing. He enjoys it, but I'm not sure. I've been researching, & I know lots of straight couples do it. But still, can't stop thinking. I want to make him happy. Is it common to wonder about his sexuality? I love him, & I enjoy it when we're doing it, but feel weird afterward. I'm just looking for advice & or opinions. Thank you so much.

First - Let me commend you on your open-mindedness that allowed you to indulge your boyfriend, purchase a strap-on and have some fun. Well done!

The misconception that anal stimulation has anything to do with sexual orientation is completely false. Unfortunately it runs strong in our society. Men who enjoy anal stimulation...simply enjoy anal stimulation. And there is a very good reason for that. The prostate gland, accessed from inside the rectum, feels as good to a man as the G-spot feels to a woman! That's pretty damn good.

And as far as the thought that "only gay men enjoy anal sex" - a recent study showed that only 35 - 36% of gay men even have anal sex. And yet - that's the first thing people assume when a man enjoys anal stimulation is that he must like other men. Not so.

Because this connotation is so strong, it is sadly somewhat common for women to wonder about their man's sexuality when first exploring pegging with them. Usually these women quickly work past these concerns and realize it is just another way to find pleasure and has no bearing whatsoever on his gender preference. The reason you feel weird is because of all those misconceptions you have had for years and are trying to let go of. Also, you might feel weird because it is a strange sensation to strap one on. At first it feels awkward and strange because you've never had a penis! You'll get used to it.

If your boyfriend was straight before you pegged him, he is not suddenly going to develop a craving for penises and muscular, hairy bodies just because you fucked him in the ass. He will, however, probably really enjoy the pleasure, role reversal and vulnerability of the act. Don't let that worry you. Just enjoy it with him!

You can also click the tag cloud on the left where it says, "is he gay?" There is a wealth of information there for you...

 

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6 comments

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  1. Thank you so much. After sending you that email, I looked thru your website & it really gave me a better perspective! So, with that in mind, last night while we were having some foreplay, I decided to stop thinking, & just enjoy! Well needless to say, we had “regular” sex where we both climaxed. I felt I wasn’t quite done yet, so caressed his anus with my fingers with a coy smile. He asked me what I wanted to do, & I whispered in his ear to “f” him. I then strapped on, & had fun!!! It was so hot, we BOTH climaxed again! I’m going to keep an open mind, & just continue to enjoy!!! Thanks once again for your feedback!! 🙂

    1. I am here doing the happy dance and will play the music for you and tell your story on my podcast a couple of weeks hence – YES!!! You go, girl!

  2. Lucky guy, and gal. Congrats and I hope the fun continues.

    P.S. Hi Ruby 😉

    1. Hey You! I agree, they are lucky. 😉

  3. I wrote via Fetlife but do so much want to thank you for this site it does help reassure me as a male that being pegged is natural and very helpful sexually for me. I have no issues regarding being submissive sexually in fact it helps in ways that can and are difficult to explain. Professionally I have to be dominant in my chosen profession. This allows me to relax and enjoy life in general. Just got to get the other half to also feel free enough to pegg me as well instead of seeking it otherwise.

    Peace be with you

    1. Thanks for the kind words and comment – I read this on podcast #113!

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