So...recently came across a posting by a guy in the reddit/pegging forum. He was very sad.
He said his partner pretty much 100% refused his request for pegging and anal play. She also is not open to him wearing a butt plug during intercourse. She also is not open to him using sex toys on his own.
I know I exist in a pretty rarefied world where most of the people that surround me are sex-positive and accepting of a wide range of consensual sexual acts. A very wide range, actually.
Since when do partners get to decide how you masturbate??!!
Okay, some really insecure people freak out about any kind of masturbation and think that they should be enough for their partner so no masturbation is needed.
HA HA HA HA
Leaving those (incredibly naive and ill-informed) people aside...
There is the issue of gender bias when it comes to sex toys. Women who use sex toys are seen as sexually evolved and awesome. Men who use sex toys are seen as pitiful and unable to get a date. So I know we are battling against this bias in a situation like this.
Also there is the sexual orientation misconception, she thinks if he plays with his ass he might be gay.
One more thing is that if he plays with his ass she might see him as less manly. In fact this is one of the reasons she gave when refusing him anal exploration play. This is what I have been talking about for the last 3 freaking podcasts. Right? The conflation of vulnerability (necessary for anal play) and weakness (not necessary for anal play). The idea that if a man is penetrated that he is somehow less of a man.
I don't have any brilliant answers, here. I suppose I just wanted to rant.
Masturbation is self-love. It is sacred time spent enjoying and learning about your own body. No one has any right to tell you how you should masturbate. How you choose to please your own body is up to you and only you. And the better you know what pleases you, the better lover you will be with a partner.
Which is what I would love for this man to tell his partner.
Claim your sexual autonomy, people.
When you have your alone time, lock that bedroom door and explore your body is whatever way thrills you the most. Music, candles, toys, porn, whatever.
It's your body!!!