Note from Ruby: I know not everyone thinks about pegging in this way. Some receivers want to be used and treated like a thing, and if there is any intimacy involved, it ruins the experience for them. So this post is for people who like a side serving of intimacy and perhaps even love with their pegging.
I decided to write from my own personal experience in hope that those men who read this will finally find not just a person to peg them, but a person whom they love, a person who loves them back and also happens to enjoy pegging with them.
First, as I know you’ve said many times, but I’ll reiterate it, pegging is sex. Too many men have it in their head that because they’re not asking to put their penis inside a woman, that it isn’t sex and they don’t get why women don’t want to peg them. These are also the same men who are desperately searching for but have never found someone to share pegging with. Some may think I’m full of shit, but who has more credibility, the guy who’s regularly and actively engaged in a pegging lifestyle for over 20 years, or the guys who are propositioning every female who posts online without success. The truth is, outside of a very few women who have a fetish for being objectified, the vast majority of women are turned off by being seen as just a piece of meat, or a tool to be used for someone else’s pleasure. I’m going to answer the age old question, “what do women want?” It’s simple, women want to be loved and accepted for who they are, and if you can deliver this, most women will move heaven and earth for you.
I’ve never been in a relationship with a woman who wasn’t into pegging. And I’ve been into pegging for over 20 years. How did I accomplish this? Well here is the secret; I never looked for a partner to peg me, I looked for a partner (period, full stop). Then when it comes time to discuss sexual likes, dislikes and boundaries, this is when you have to decide if the two (or more) of you are sexually compatible and then either stay together or decide to part ways.
Side bar: I’m firmly (pun intended) convinced that one of the leading causes of failed marriages is that people for one reason or another enter into the marriage contract without reading the fine print. You wouldn’t buy a car without test driving it, a pair of shoes without trying them on, would you? People have been doing freaky shit in bed since the beginning of time, it’s only recently that it’s becoming normal to be open about it. In the past, when divorce was rare and difficult for legal or religious reasons, people just stayed together, stayed miserable and fucked around on each other. Now, there really isn’t any excuse to be in a sexually incompatible relationship. We live in a world we’re there really isn’t any sexual fetish that’s not socially acceptable; barring some extremes like bestiality, pedophilia, rape, etc.
Now, a case could be made that one partner’s sexual desires evolve into a realm that is outside the other partner’s comfort zone. But I believe that as time goes on, more and more people are going to include the possibility that their partner may want to explore some unknown sexual role or fetish and this will become just another factor of a couple’s sexual compatibility. If you’re with someone who’s sex positive and you have a very narrow sexual repertoire, you might want to think long and hard before making long term commitments. For those that began their relationship long ago, when the only kind of sex that was acceptable was the PG13, safe to talk about in the 50’s kind of sex, I really do feel bad for them because it’s a shame how repressed we were in the past.
Now, to address a point you’ve made on your podcast many times as well as this forum; professional sex workers. I personally don’t like the idea, but not for the stereotypical reasons. I do not object to the idea of professional sex workers at all. I just see sex, in any form, to be an intimate act, and I get nothing from sex without an emotional connection. So, I’m not saying it’s wrong. I’m saying it’s wrong for me. For those out there who just can’t or are not looking for an intimate relationship but still seek the pleasure of the pegging experience, I would agree that perhaps the best option is to seek the services of a pro, but I advise caution here. It’s easy to go into that as a simple business transaction but once you start to derive so much pleasure from it, it’s not hard to trick yourself into thinking there’s more than just business going on.
Long post, I’ll end it there. Ruby, I love what you do to bring our lifestyle out of the shadows and open people’s minds. Keep up the good work. If you would like to share this, I don’t mind.
Written by pegreceiver on FetLife
2 Responses
Indeed. Here’s the thing. While this is now such a part of how I think about sex and what I crave… it wasn’t until I met the right person that it fell in line. I had been approached just bam from a guy via message on a dating sight. He contacted me. I answered a question and then he wrote back and proposed that this is what he was into. While I appreciate his honesty that this was his goal, I was like No, not interested–block. And the thing is that even if I’d known then I was into it, I would still have responded the same way. Because yeah. Even if someone is looking for something casual, I think they still want to chat and know each other first and feel a connection. Especially if the sex is out of their comfort level or experience. If he’d said the same thing about another act or kink, I would have done the same. Thanks for the sane advice for the sake of the women out there. And some guys too. While I know some gay men who get right to the point and it’s an understood hook up, I also know some guys who would be turned off by that too. Thanks.
I feel the same, Kitty. A mannered, conversational approach works wonders…because wouldn’t you want to get to know the person a bit if you are thinking of doing wild sexy times with them? I know not everyone thinks this way, but the direct jump into talking about pegging gets really, really old for me.