The one less than favorable comment I got on my BIL presentation was this:
Cool talk by @Ruby_Ryder at #bil2013, though it had gender/role assumptions and stereotypes I'd prefer to see deconstructed.
Excellent feedback, once I took the time to think about it. I presented my talk with a dual-pronged approach of pleasure and prostate health to make the case for exploring pegging.
But then I went on to say that the reason that pegging deepens intimacy in relationships is because of role reversal. This is true, but the stereotypical roles do not apply to everyone and I needed to put a few qualifying sentences in there to make space for relationships where the typical gender roles are more fluid and not as rigidly gender stereotypical.
However, I'm thrilled to have people pointing this out because that means that sexuality really is becoming more fluid in people's awareness, which is a marvelous thing anyway you look at it.
Speaking of stereotypes...
For those of you who are newcomers to Pegging Paradise, know that you can just relax and let go of all of your worries about sexual orientation. It's really okay! Anything a man and a woman do in bed (no matter what toys they have or don't have) is by definition heterosexual. That's really all you need to know.
Let go of the misconceptions. Let go of the stereotypes. Say hello to the pleasure of sexual exploration with the one you love.
11 Responses
I think it’s great you’re putting that much effort into your speech but at the same time I believe offending no one is almost impossible when the number of gender roles goes to infinity.
There’s always going to be a tiny minority of people who feel left out and it is precisely their criticism that proves to be valuable again and again. It is the fuel of progress…
… or the death of political INcorrectness.
I’ve noticed this in other threads, too. Inevitably a minority will take exception to the way something was phrased and want space made for them with more words. That helps to change the assumptions, and is valuable.
There are certainly many relationships where the gender stereotypes don’t apply. Would be interesting for me to take a look at those relationships and see what pegging can bring to them…
I think you do great work on advocating pegging, but yeah, every time you say ‘role reversal’, I cringe. The term has a buttload (heh) of assumptions behind it and all of them make me want to argue over why it’s a fallacy to put it that way. I think it detracts from the message you are trying to communicate.
I also think that if you are selling it to newbies the ‘it’s not gay’ message followed by ‘role reversal’ probably doesn’t help your messaging because the implication that the woman is ‘being the guy’ and the guy is ‘being the woman’ (omg, that’s *so* gay!) detracts from your assertion to those who are *already* emotionally inclined to think that way.
Ferns
I see your point in some ways. So how would you phrase it? What words would you use to describe the switching places inherent in pegging that can teach couples so much about each other? Heh – maybe that’s it – ‘switching places’.
I actually stopped saying ‘he’s not gay’ a while ago when I realized that I was doing a disservice to the bisexual men out there, that sexuality is not a rigidly binary concept. Oftentimes it is more fluid. The gay fear is by far the most prevalent one, though, for both genders.
While many people jump to that supposition of ‘being the guy’ or ‘being the woman’, I never phrase it that way. Purposefully. You get to experience the role your partner usually plays, but it seems to be the fears of the newbies (fueled by bad porn, perhaps) that takes them over into ‘be the woman’ or ‘be the man’ territory, and there ain’t much I can do about that except try to reassure them that this is an adventure; an experience worth exploring and it will all be okay in the end (pun intended).
There are so many fears and misconceptions and gender stereotypes busted all over the floor (or bed) with pegging.
I’m not even sure eliminating every single stereotype is going to help you to communicate your core message to a ‘newbie’. The major concern regarding pegging for most men and women is ‘being gay’.
Addressing that should be key in order to ‘ease them into’ opening up sexually to new and possibly stigmatized experiences. Those who are already living a more ‘gender fluid’ lifestyle will most likely have fewer inhibitions and therefore need not be reminded of the fact that their desires are ‘ok’.
Maybe in an ‘Introduction to pegging for the advanced sexual mind’ you could delve further into the more progressive topics.
Lars – you are right in that no one class will ease everyone’s fears and be tailored for everyone. And I absolutely agree that the gay fear is the first and largest hurdle to get past for most people.
the sad part about the “gay fear” is that when some are alone they will do some strange things with & to their body, and never even think about “Gay Fear”…. for me, I have explored all of the emotions connected with allowing anyone else to know that I love having my behind filled and played with, I simply chose “who” I allow to know anything about it. Having been married 24 years (monogamously) it’s the “wondering” what really goes through her mind when the subject comes up.
“Heh – maybe that’s it – ‘switching places’.”
Ha! Yes!
Ferns
We might be onto something there, Ferns… 🙂
As far as the “role reversal” ……Hell,.. as long as it is a temporary reversal I am all for it! eagerly awaiting it, because it allows me to get in touch with some pretty amazing sensations offered by the fabrics! 😉
When the words ‘role-reversal’ are used, I guess many people assume crossdressing or feminization, which is awesome if you like it, but not necessarily a part of pegging. I would have to agree, though – the fabrics seriously rock.
As far as disclosing – that’s the biggest fear is of rejection if one expresses their kinks. Indulging in them solo is somewhat satisfying but rather lonely.