Right now, I feel like a guy.
Or at least what I think a guy feels like. That unsatisfied longing of wanting to fuck someone and not being able to. That tightness in my loins (yes, women have loins, too). It is a pleasant ache...a reminder of what I want but I cannot have. I smile as I think of him.
Had lunch with Mr. Great Kisser today. We still have a nice friendship connection (after the 4 hot months we spent together) and enjoyed talking, catching up and sharing openly about sex and kink - not something you can do with just anyone (like the checker at the bank). Conversational topics included whipping, upcoming play parties, toys we'd purchased and loved, and toys I needed to test. We shared good food, a couple of beers and the beauty of an outdoor oceanfront restaurant. After a lot of easy and sometimes sexy conversatio,n we both had to visit the restrooms and let some of the beer out.
"So what now?" I said when we found each other again. In my mind we could stay and have another beer and keep talking, or...
"Well, that's up to you....I don't have to be anywhere." He shrugged and smiled.
"No, it's not up to me," I punched him lightly in the chest for emphasis "or I would just take you home and fuck you."
"Well, you're right...I'm surprised it took you this long to ask!" This man knows I want him still...I have made it quite clear in recent conversations that he has a free pass to ask for my company any time. I may not be available but he is always welcome to ask.
Last night I schemed a bit and thought maybe, just maybe, it had been long enough since the last time I fucked him that if I got him just a bit tipsy he might go home with me because he seriously craved a good fucking. Does that sound like a guy or what!?
More like a woman, though, I wondered what to wear. If I go straight for the too-sexy it might put him off. Better to be fairly casual and just be sure to look good. He complimented me when we first got there...said I had a "glow". Which is kind of funny - I usually associate that word with well-fucked. And well-fucked is not a descriptor of my life lately.
So back to that moment when he expressed surprise that it had taken me so long to say I wanted to fuck him...
"I'm afraid I will have to decline that offer....I'm just not in the right space for it." He said it kindly and with a smile.
There was really no awkwardness...I was pretty much expecting it. But what surprised me was the wanting-ness that refused to go away. The hunger for him. The staring at his pecs, his powerful thighs...his lips that joined mine many moons ago for that kiss that was an absolute 10. Remembering his moans when I fucked him. Looking at him in front of me and objectifying him in the best way possible. That is how I imagine men feel when they are really craving a woman who they want to fuck, or a man for that matter.
Our goodbye was brief, kiss on my cheek and the kind of hug you give someone when you know the person hugging you wants to fuck you...badly...and you don't want to fan that flame.
The role reversal concept certainly applied here. I was the man in this situation...wanting more than anything in that moment to take him home and fuck him sweetly until he came. That's what I kept imagining...not him fucking me. And I have to say, Mr. Great Kisser has some serious skills when it comes to fucking a woman. But all I could think about was sinking my toy into his ass and hearing him moan.
Given a glimpse of how men who want me but the chemistry is not there on my side, now I understand a little more about how they feel when they are around me. Or maybe how it feels to just be a man, period...that intense wanting, the sexual drive that never goes away. Is this what it's like to feel like a guy?
I don't know. I just know that I was smiling everywhere I went after we parted. I'm sure that it feels good to be him and to feel wanted, lusted after; most men love that. But it also feels good to be the woman who lusts after and craves.
And that tightness I'm feeling will no doubt add to the pleasure I give myself tonight, imagining I am indeed fucking Mr. Great Kisser and hearing him moan
Damn. I feel like a guy.
14 Responses
Hi Ruby, wonderful post on yearning and lust from the female perspective. Hope you enjoyed yourself at home.
Thanks, cgd65. I most definitely enjoyed myself later that evening. My orgasm came quick and I was surprised at how wet I was. Shouldn’t have been surprised, though…female equivalent of an erection.
Hi Ruby, that is totally how men feel when they are trying to seduce a woman (or a man) and it doesn’t work out just like they’d planned. At least in my experience. Hope you’ll find someone who spreads his legs for you soon.
By the way, I’ve just gotten around to listening to the podcast where you talk about not selling out to toxic toy companies and I want to say that I support you in your effort to be (and stay) the “principled one”. Also, listening to how you refuse to collaborate with them was way hot! Maybe you should consider giving that speech in public and I’m sure sexy guys will be bending over for your left and right before you know it!
Lars, Thanks for confirming that my imaginings of how men feel are accurate, from your perspective at least.
I laughed aloud at this! And then I loved it. Talk about a role reversal.
You are not the first man to tell me that while I am giving a toxic toy retailer hell with an attitude, I am sexy. This was a surprise to me. Upon reflection, I get it; in charge, commanding, stern woman. Yep.
I feel your pain. I feel like the “woman”.
It’s been months since I was last pegged.
The wife and I are having some issues at home.
Unfortunately, she stopped pegging me.
It’s terrible. Self pegging just isn’t the same.
I miss the body contact, thrusting from her hips.
I miss her taking me, taking control and fucking me.
not just going through the motions, but her fucking me.
the talk…asking me how it feels. Telling me she likes looking at it slide in and out of my ass.
yep…that’s what I miss.
312cpl – This is so poignant. Sorry to hear of your unfulfilled longings. It does astound me how your expression of it really sounds like a woman…wanting the contact, the talking, the…being taken. Who knew that pegging had the capacity to bring out such different sides of us!
Sorry to hear you haven’t been experiencing the ‘glow’ recently. Patience can be a virtue…too formal right haha…will be worth the wait to meet your Mr Right.
When craving for a fuck, I’m already long interested in her to begin with Ruby. The biggest turn on is herself. Yes, sex and romance is a major part of life together, just doesn’t work without the connection and good times in company. There will be intense wanting, whether for company or sex. Absolutely, be lusted for and craving is amazing. For moments when wanting to fuck her, still always see her for who she is, add raw attraction for sex, the two take sex to another level…
Even FWB fucking would be great right now…but as always, I am particular. That just means that when I get a man in my bed, I am pretty sure we are going to have a great time.
Lucky man the next in your bed
😉 How kind of you to say…
So strange how many people you pass during the day that are thinking and wanting the same things but never reach out nor connect?
I see so many beautiful woman each day that I would love to invite home to share with and have them mount me with my Feeldoe…
But how on earth do you take a new potential interest to dinner and let her know that you want to be buried deep inside her loins with your face, and that you also want her to be buried deep inside of your darkness at the same time?
Just think of how many men actually want to say that but for the most part know that it’s an absolute non starter? Only if you knew that you were sitting across from a “Ruby…”
Talking about sex is one thing our society does really poorly. But unfortunately judging people for their sexual choices is something our society does really well. That makes it so difficult to open up and learn to communicate our desires with our partners. There is an overlying sex-negativity and shame about anything sexual that simply galls me.
Personally, I put the fact that I’m into (understatement) pegging right out there because it is a “must have” for me and because so much of my life revolves around pegging at this point with my writing, teaching, podcasting and public speaking. I know for men it is different; you are judged more harshly….and I have more suitors precisely because there are so few women have explored pegging.
So the answer to your dinner question is communication and information – probably not everything on the first date! But sooner rather than later, because with a new relationship at some point you need to lay your sexual kink cards on the table with each other to see if they are compatible. Better done sooner than waiting 6 months only because you were to shy to talk about only to find out it won’t work. You know – there are no hard and fast rules. I usually recommend having lots of patience when you have an established relationship and want to incorporate pegging into it. But if you are evaluating the person for compatibility in makes sense to make your move sooner because what do you have to lose? Spending more time with someone who is sexually incompatible with you?
This is a great story Ruby! I feel like you would really like this group: https://fetlife.com/groups/4097
Thanks. Yes! The group is “20+ age gap”, for those not on FetLife. I will check that out!!! Thanks, Anna.