Found Some Shaming

How ironic.

I just returned from CatalystCon West 2015.

I attended a session about shame:"The Shame Virus: Honest Talk About Protecting Yourself and Your Clients, Students and Peers".

The session was presented by the incredibly talented duo of Amy Jo Goddard and Marcia Baczynski.

It woke me up a bit.

I've been talking a lot about shame in my podcasts lately. Actually we have - because what you readers/listeners have contributed to the conversation has kept it going and helped me to understand more about how shame can play a significant part in pegging as well as sexuality in general. The session I attended at CCon widened that perspective even more and caused me to take a look at my efforts here at Pegging Paradise and even all parts of my life.

So how ironic that, just a few days later, I receive a comment objecting to the tone of my article about The Epic Fail of Pegging Ads as shaming.

The basic thrust of the Epic piece is that pegging is like sex and sex is intimate, so you can't just expect a woman to jump in bed with you and peg you just like you cannot expect a woman to jump in bed with you and have sex with you you simply because you want it. Accurate for what I suspect is the majority, but certainly not across the board.

So I wrote that piece in 2012.

I also wrote a piece all about Intimacy and Pegging in 2011 and received some feedback that not everyone prefers pegging with intimacy. There are many instances where a specific fetish or situation results in little or no intimacy, just like sometimes with PIV sex there is no intimacy. In retrospect, I did hold space for other points of view in the Intimacy piece, but not so much with the Epic piece.

If there is one thing I am learning to do lately, it is to hold space for those with ideas differing from my own, and to present my own as a choice, and not as the be-all end-all only way to do this lovely thing called pegging. But I am human, I make mistakes. And I now see that in the Epic article, I was projecting my experience onto everyone else. Oops. Plus I was coming from a space of reactivity. I get a lot of "will you fuck me" messages and I personally need a certain degree of intimacy with my pegging. In the Epic piece I made it sound like that applied to pretty much everyone. Pegging is sex and sex is intimate. Well, not for everyone. Oops.

I've put an addendum at the end of the Epic article. I never want to shame anyone. If there are men out there who dream of a pegging experience where they are treated like an object with no intimacy whatsoever and that is their kink, rock on!  If there are woman out there who want to peg a guy with no intimacy, rock on! We all love what we love and it's all good, it's all okay (assuming no harm and consensuality). Everyone gets to rock on!

Thanks to the woman who gave me a heads up. My apologies for the shaming.