Pegging and aftercare? Yes. I am a firm believer that pegging and aftercare go together in a beautifully synergistic manner. Let me explain.
What is Aftercare?
The term originated in the BDSM community, and includes the things you do to take care of your partner after your play. Some of the activities in BDSM are intense, and can cause a release of powerful chemicals, like endorphins, oxytocin, and dopamine. Aftercare helps a person not crash after coming down from the influence of those chemicals. Also, people sometimes describe BDSM experiences as being in 'subspace' or 'flying'. They are in an altered space and not quite connected to reality. So they need caring for until they come back down to earth, so to speak. Aftercare can look many different ways, from cuddling to handholding to water and chocolate, or even just a cold beer. Aftercare is an important part of what BDSM practitioners negotiate about before playing together. Letting your partner know what kind of aftercare you need is just as important as communicating your hard limits.
Pegging and Aftercare
What does aftercare have to do with pegging? Well, pegging can be intense, especially for receivers who have never experienced anal penetration before. Vulnerability is pretty much a requirement for pleasurable anal penetration. Most receivers have been conditioned by society never to show vulnerability, as it's not considered to be a 'masculine' trait. Thankfully, the concept of masculinity is slowly but surely being redefined, to allow men the entire range of emotional expression without being subjected to criticism or denigration.
Pegging and Masculinity
Meanwhile, as masculinity evolves, (way too slowly for me) men are still struggling with ideas of allowing penetration, expressing emotions, giving up control, and opening to vulnerability. Pegging often involves all of those! As a result, a good pegging can throw receivers for a loop, sometimes quite unexpectedly. After a pegging session, no matter how exciting, satisfying, successful, or pleasurable it was, receivers can feel at loose ends. And if the thing they really desire in that moment is to be held for a while, until they come back down to earth, often they have been conditioned their whole lives not only to not ask for it, but not to even need it in the first place. How sad.
Automatic Pegging and Aftercare
So how cool would it be if both givers and receivers were aware of this dynamic, and could move from pegging into aftercare as naturally as drying off with a towel after a shower? Pretty damn cool, because words can be difficult after an intense experience. But givers can offer cuddles, even wordlessly, with a simple gesture of open arms. Or receivers can snuggle up to their partner, head on their chest, without needing to actually ask to be held.
Not Only For Receivers
Givers can need aftercare, too. It is not solely the territory of the partner who is penetrated during pegging. Some givers don't take to pegging naturally, especially if they lean heavily into submissiveness during other sexytime activities. They are not used to running to fuck, making decisions, or being the active partner instead of the passive one. In this way, it can run counter to what feels comfortable. Pegging can throw submissive givers for a loop just as intense as receivers experience. They need aftercare when this happens.
Pegging and Aftercare for Both?
What happens if both the receiver and the giver need aftercare? Since aftercare often looks like being held or cuddling, you could certainly just hold each other. There's no rule that says that one person must provide all the aftercare and one must receive it all. Cuddling and holding each other can bring comfort, nurturing, and a gentle coming back to earth for you both.
Talk About It!
Communicating to each other about the need for aftercare is critically important. Pegging, and any sexytime activity, needs to work for both partners. Everyone gets to have their needs met, ideally. This is why it's important to talk about it. The lack of aftercare, when unexpressed and not understood, can tarnish a good pegging experience, so have the conversation.
I am of the opinion that aftercare can enhance all sexytime activities, not just BDSM and pegging. The benefits of cuddling are numerous and well-documented. Skin to skin contact can be magic, encouraging intimacy and closeness. Like icing on a cake; making everything even better. Sexy, sweet icing.
