Note: Using mostly the gender binary here, as much of this arises from gender stereotypes.
When Masculinity and Pegging Don't Meet
Over the many years I have been teaching about pegging, I've received a fair number of emails from men who describe themselves with some variation of heterosexual, blue collar, muscular, hairy, very masculine-appearing, etc. They enjoy anal-receptive pleasure or want to explore it. Unfortunately they say that they tend to appeal to women who freak out when they mention their interest in ass play.
The men complain about attracting all the 'wrong types' of women due to their 'masculine' (by society's standards) appearance/interests. The women attracted to them are frequently submissive-leaning. These women envision these big, strong, dominant men taking control and ravishing them. But they freak out about men wanting ass play.
What About Pegging is not Masculine?
First, of course there's nothing wrong with your desire to be ravished! We all get to like/do/give/receive what we want. The problem arises when he desires anal play and all of a sudden you don't see him as masculine anymore. Anal-receptive pleasure for him doesn't fit with your vision of 'masculinity' for some reason. And I want to know - why? What is it about men enjoying anal that immediately makes you feel he is less of a man?
Is it the old, tired sexual orientation thing? Despite the utter ridiculousness of the idea that ass play for men has anything to do with their sexual orientation, this completely incorrect connotation is hanging on like the lingering smell of a bad fart. It's one of the worst parts of the unhealthy definition of masculinity; 'not gay'.
Gay and bisexual men do not have physiologically different kinds of asses that offer pleasure while straight men's asses don't! Prostate pleasure is available to all who have a prostate. In fact, it is a pretty amazing amount of pleasure! To deny any receptive anal play for your big, strong ravisher is short-sighted and kind of cruel, IMO.
I Don't Want to be Dominant
Is it a, 'I don't want to be dominant' thing? Maybe you envision all pegging as dominant women pegging submissive men, with all the BDSM kinks included? Certainly, some men enjoy being dominated, restrained, and even spanked or paddled, verbally humiliated, and other kinks that porn portrays in abundance. But if there is one important thing to understand about pegging, it's that it is customizable. You can do pegging any way you want to. You can do pegging as one more way to simply and gently make love to your partner. Some men do enjoy playing a submissive role (in whatever way you both decide to do that) during pegging. Just as many men prefer to be dominant, because yes, you can be dominant and get pegged. Which means you can also be submissive and peg your partner!
No Thanks to Anal
If you have a dislike or hard limit of anal in general, that's up to you, of course. Again, we all get to choose what we like and what we don't. But if your rejection of anal play for him arises solely from your feeling that it has anything to do with his masculinity, I ask you to pause and think about it before you walk away from that guy you were just drooling over as a potential ravisher.
Masculinity and Pegging are Not Mutually Exclusive
Consider this. It's quite possible that the potential ravisher you are so hot for actually has the same fantasy you do. He wants to take you in just the way you want to be taken. And he also enjoys receiving ass play!
The two are not mutually exclusive. I'm going to repeat that with different and more explicit words because this is very important.
He may enjoy grabbing you up and really giving it to you. Perhaps even a little rough if that's what you both like. At different times, he may also enjoy you sliding a nice fat toy into him while he moans with pleasure. The only thing stopping these two things from both occupying your sexual treasure chest of choices is your perception and attitude about male anal pleasure. Why would you insist that it's somehow not right that he enjoys it?
It's time for you to wake up, and catch up. It's the 21st century! Prostate stimulation is capable of providing men with intense pleasure very similar to the G-spot. So unless anal in general is a no-go for you, why would you deny him that pleasure?
Think about it this way. Maybe your favorite way to orgasm is receiving oral with a butt plug in. How would it feel if your partner denied you the pleasure of the butt plug simply because it affected his expectations of what being feminine is?
What Does it all Mean?
And if you're wondering what his enjoyment of pegging or prostate stimulation means? It means he's aware of how much pleasure prostate stimulation can offer. It means he's decided he wants a ride on that bus!
Masculinity and pegging can absolutely go together like bread and butter. The only question is, are you going to join him on that bus? Or will you reject that awesome ravishing because you don't think masculine men should like receiving anal?
Slowly but surely, a healthier definition of masculinity is evolving. Including but not limited to:
- building community and relationships instead of competing - the ability to lead and collaborate
- emotionally mature and expressive instead of suppressing emotions, letting go of the misconception that being unemotional is a form of strength
- true respect for women instead of measuring a man's worth by the absence of (what society considers) feminine characteristics/traits - implying they are less-than when compared to men
- having true compassion, empathy and kindness without thinking it makes them soft and somehow less masculine (again implying feminine less-than)
- taking good care of themselves instead of toughing it out - asking for help when needed, whether physical, emotional or spiritual
