Keep it Real…

I cruise around the internet sometimes, joining groups and discussions about my favorite topic - kinky sex. (If you encounter me elsewhere on the internet...do say hello!)

In my cyber travels today I ran across a man who actually asked this question online: "Why are women in real life not into what you see in an adult movie?"  Seriously. He says he likes way kinky, nasty sex, and cannot seem to find women who will do the things he sees in the porn movies. So he is pretty frustrated, understandably...and spends his time masturbating to porn because he can't find a woman who will be his own personal porn star. Damn...I tried so hard not to let sarcasm creep in there. But there is an element in his question that is kind of sad. Because it sounds like porn has been his only model for...sex. Now many of us have have those special nights of sex so exciting you swear you could have made a porn movie (in fact I've had a number of those lately - thanks, Babe). But it is likely your encounter did not resemble the typical porn movie much...

Wow. Where do I start...

Okay, how about here: A very cool website I found called Make Love Not Porn that details some of the distinct differences between porn and real life. The woman behind this website, Cindy Gallup, has made some fascinating observations about how the hard core porn so ubiquitous on the internet today is affecting people's sexuality, especially because younger and younger children are able to access porn online so they grow up thinking that porn is an accurate representation of sex. She completely leaves aside any kind of moralizing about porn, being a fan of it herself. Yet she relates her personal experience of, for example, encountering many young men who think that all men like to come on a woman's face and all women like having men come on their faces...because that is what you always see in porn, and that is what these young men have had as a model of sexuality. And that is just one example. Take a look at her short talk to the TED audience about how hard core porn is affecting young people's sexuality. I believe she raises some really valid points and is doing her part to get people talking about sex...how it's really much more three-dimensional than porn portrays. In her words: Up to this point, "the porn industry has been driven by men, funded by men, managed by men, directed by men and targeted at men...which has resulted in one world view" of sexuality and Cindy Gallup says...not necessarily. There is more to sex that that.

Porn definitely creates a very limited type of fantasy for the viewer...that can certainly get you off...and can get you into trouble if you expect porn to be exactly replicated in real life. Personally I find a real lack of intimacy in about 90% of porn. One of my favorite things about sex is the skin to skin contact; that lips to toes touching experience. In porn movies that much body contact actually gets in the way of filming the insertion shots...so they don't touch a lot other than their genitals. Then there are the demeaning things that are portrayed in porn, to both genders. I know some of you like the humiliation/degradation stuff, and more power to you if that's what turns your crank...but you seem abnormally well-represented in the porn world, quite frankly.

Where's the loving stuff? Or even just fun sex? We need more variety! Can we see a wider representation of what sex is all about in porn, please? I think it's just a matter of time as more women start to watch porn and direct porn that things will change. Now don't get me wrong here...I am not saying man-porn=bad, woman-porn=good. We all have our favorite styles and subject matter. But a little variety would indeed be nice. And if our kids are going to find the stuff on the internet anyway - wouldn't it be better for them to see a variety of examples instead of just the standard doggie-style, deep throat gagging blow-job, multi-orgasmic woman (with little or no contact) with multiple male partners who loves come on her face?

Speaking of  new kinds of porn- I just listened to Violet Blue's latest podcast of "Open Source Sex" and she highly recommends the movie "Open Invitation". Here is a very luscious looking trailer - Wow. Violet Blue says this is a movie for lovers...I can hardly wait to see it.

I have also mentioned Comstock Films some time back - I definitely enjoy them.I believe his story is that he got so frustrated with what he considered to be bad porn that he started making his own! Nice choice.

There are others...help me add to the list!

What are some of your favorite porn movies? Why do you like them?

Ruby Ryder