Dan Savage on Monogamy

3 Responses

  1. I love this. Dan Savage is, at once, informative and thought provoking…and…well, just provoking.

    My wife and I are monogamous. Since we started dating, we have only had sex with each other. However, we are comfortable with ourselves and our relationship to know and acknowledge to each other that we still find other people attractive.

    While watching TV, Porn, or even while we are out on a date, we will point out people to each other we think are attractive. We play with it. We even tease each other a little bit. We’ve shared each others’ fantasies about including other people in our bed, and that’s okay, too.

    My point is not too far away from Savage’s; by demanding monogamy, you create a “No-Man’s/Woman’s Land” out of EVERYTHING other than your partner. I think that’s the heart of what Dan Savage was getting at. The second you say “you can’t do that,” it IMMEDIATELY becomes the very thing you want to do.

    So by relaxing, and playing with the taboo a little bit, rather than locking it up in a box, my wife and I have remained monogamous without feeling restricted. And if we decide to have sex with other people, it won’t be cheating, it will be a continuation of our sexual journey together, as a couple.

    Relationships, just like pegging, go WAY better when you just relax and enjoy the ride. 😉


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