I was just lying in a lovely hot bath with an excellent article I printed out for some relaxing reading.
The article is from the blog "Positive Juice" where a guy named Mitch writes some very thought-provoking stuff. The particular article I was reading is "The Destructiveness of the Modern Idea of Masculinity". Very interesting. The way Mitch's mind works, his ability to put his reflections into words for the benefit of the world at large is heart-warming and commendable. I read his musings about what it felt like to be a man in a world that places many so many behavioral restrictions and expectations on his gender. And I got to thinking.
Lying there in the steaming hot water, letting it soothe the tensions of the day away...it occurred to me how intricate and fraught with confusion the initial coming together of people can be. No wonder it goes awry all too often. Especially when you are a little kinky. Like when you identify as being either dominant or submissive.
Example. I have dominant tendencies. So with dating, what happens when I overlay dominance across the template of accepted social behaviors? As a dominant woman should I be the one to make contact? Is he waiting for that? Or is he just not that interested? Confusion ensues. From his side of things too, perhaps. Should he wait for me to tell him what to do or do I want him to take the initiative?
Of course the key thing that solves all of this is communication. Yes, communication; the panacea of nearly all relationship ills. When I meet a man, after we have determined that there is chemistry and mutual interest in further exploration, perhaps we should just discuss how to proceed. This would avoid much confusion. A bit of a "Care and handling of the dating phase with Ruby", if you will, complete with a quizzing of him and his preferences, too. Wouldn't it make things easier? That way neither one of us is guessing and hopefully we are both getting what we want (if our preferences match).
A few months ago I had lunch with a perfectly lovely man. Nice looking, interesting, accomplished, a pleasure to be with. After the date, which ended with a quick but nice goodbye kiss, he texted me a "had a really great time" message. I responded that I had a lovely time as well and added a few compliments. And then nothing. Months later he sends a short message, just saying hello. We start talking. I told him I didn't think he was interested. He is. He was pretty much waiting for me to make the moves. He thought it was I who was not interested. Fascinating.
I do love being pursued. I like a man who is eager to be with me; one who will take the initiative to orchestrate a date without hesitation. In fact being with a man who has a lot of initiative in general is wonderful...as long as he's mine to command in the sexual arena much of the time. That is the contrast I love so much; a man who is the master of his world, used to being in control of his empire and confident in running it...and he's mine in bed. Yeah Baby.