Disappointment and sadness.
I thought I'd found what I'd been looking for. But the universe decided it was not to be.
I was looking for a play partner. A friend with benefits. A body buddy to test toys with. Whatever you want to call it. I put up an ad on FetLife that read thusly:
Ruby is Looking For the Right Fit
What do I want?
I want a man to play with. Someone to have hot, sweaty, lusty times with…on a regular basis. Someone who wants nothing more than to please me in whatever way I desire. It’s all about how well our bodies and minds connect. I’m interested in the interplay between all of our parts.
Looking for these qualities: Single, Intelligent, sensual, articulate, athletic/active, communicative, confident, playful, funny, tender, cuddly, mature and responsible. Highly sexed is preferable. Stamina is essential. A bit of masochism would be nice.
There will be pegging. There will be riding crops and paddles and restraints and parties and occasionally floggers. There will be toys…lots of toys. And kissing…never enough kissing.
Interested parties – send me a private message.
I received quite a few responses. But not many acceptable ones. Not polite in his approach? Gone. Horrible grammar or spelling (or God forbid, both)? Gone. Seriously conflicting kinks (like he's dominant) ? Gone. Lives too far away? Gone.
One response rose to the top rather quickly. Cute, articulate, intelligent, engaging...and matching kinks.
We conversed through messages for a time and then met. In person he was remarkably open and direct, with beautiful eyes and lips that begged to be kissed. Those kisses? Some of the best.
We played. We had fun. It was a remarkable and promising connection from my perspective.
And then his life fell apart just enough to demand his exclusive attention.
So he's gone. Just like that.
Maybe not for good; a reconnection is possible once he gets his feet under him again and finds some needed stability.
But connections like that so often depend on timing and once severed are rarely resurrected. I'm not expecting anything. And refusing to let myself hope. That way, should he return, I will be surprised.
So today, I am sad.