This is some excellent advice from a couple who are currently enjoying an incredible sex life - SpicyHubby and SpicyWife. I came across this on their website: Spice Up My Marriage, and was struck by it's simplicity and truth. You'll find more good stuff on their website.
The Three Things You Need to Achieve an Incredible Sex Life
We’ve concluded that to improve your sexual relationship, then both partners – yes both partners – have to be willing and committed to having a great sex life. If one partner isn’t ready to or hasn’t reached the point where they can say they are committed to great sex, then it won’t happen. Quite frankly, it’s that simple.
We’re sure that there are ways to get to that point, though. With couples therapy, for example, partners can often address their problems and find ways to overcome them to grow closer and reach a point where they are both willing to turn up the heat in the bedroom. So, to have great sex, both partners need to be “on board” with getting it.
Next, both partners must have complete and total trust in each other. Part of an incredible sex life is exposing some of the most personal and intimate feelings you have. Opening up like that is very hard to do because we fear that we could be ridiculed, judged or rebuffed. To be able to open up, a couple needs trust. They need to trust that their fantasies, desires and thoughts will be accepted with love and encouragement.
Finally, there can be no judgment. If one partner is willing to share a fantasy or desire, the other simply cannot react with judgment or rejection. We know that there are taboo subjects and fantasies that we all have. But, simply because they are taboo, doesn’t make them “wrong.” One cannot judge the other for a fantasy. If there is judgment, there will be no willingness on the rejected partner to share again. This leads the couple down a road away from a spicy sex life.
So, if one is willing to share, the other must be ready to listen and to withhold judgment. Then, if it is something that the other is willing to participate in, there should be encouragement and enjoyment. When one partner provides that acceptance and encouragement, the bonds of love deepen for the partner who has been “accepted” and “encouraged.” It can’t help but happen. Then as these instances occur over and over again, the connection between both partners deepens exponentially.
(Posted with permission of SpicyHubby and SpicyWife - Thank you!)
Hope you enjoyed this as much as I did....
To recap:
- Committed to having a great sex life
- Complete and total trust in each other
- No judgment
Now go forth and create a great sex life!!
2 Responses
Ruby – thank you so much for republishing our words! Sometimes our written advice “sounds” so easy, but like every couple we struggle at times too. Regular life can get in the way with that commitment to having a great sex life. Kids, work, ex-spouses, aging parents, even our own aging bodies – we face those things every day and they can challenge us. We recently faced a stretch of challenges like this and it required us to ‘check in’ with a trusted counselor to help remind us that a loving relationship is a living and breathing entity that expands (when it inhales and we come closer) and contracts (as we exhale and drift into our individual selves when dealing with these outside forces). Ultimately, in a healthy relationship you inhale again, ending up closer together. It’s not to say that when we face these challenges we do so alone (quite the contrary we are each other’s best cheerleaders). Rather, it means that sometimes the challenges can distract us from our commitment to our strong sexual connection. Being reminded that we will return to our commitment, helped us face those challenges with a better state of mind. And, thanks to his advice we had an incredibly hot night in the bedroom!
Your comment lends such a comforting sense of reality to your advice. Words on a screen can sound simple, but in practice they are sometimes anything but. The dedication to work it through, the willingness to seek out help when needed is what makes it all work. Thanks for sharing even more of your personal journey with us. It helps us all.
I couldn’t help but imagine the next time you went to your counselor and reported in about the “incredibly hot night in the bedroom”. Awesome!!