Mommy Domme
Historically, I have had a pretty intense knee-jerk squick reaction to the concept of the Mommy Domme or Mommy/boy kink. I confess I never get past the word Mommy. Even when Hispanic men call me 'Mama' - quite common in their culture - I respond with, "Not your mother". That's as far as I get before rejecting them.
Sometimes, a knee-jerk reaction deserves examination. I mean, I preach that all the time to potential givers of pegging, encouraging them to get accurate information and then respond rather than react to their partner's request.
So perhaps I would do well to think a little more deeply about this subject, past my initial knee-jerk squick. Seems the Universe was listening and offered me more information, now that I am paying attention.
Initially, a great conversation with a handsome guy I hope to meet in person someday gave me pause around this subject. We talked about how the nurturing aspect of the dynamic was what he enjoys, and so many men crave. He has no interest in age regression or incest fantasies which can also be a part of this kink. Being held lovingly and without judgment was what called to him. We discussed how there is no acceptable way in society for men to enjoy that kind of energy.
Nurturing and Touch
Having delved deeply into men's issues through the Movember organization, as well as different podcasts and Ted talks, I came to understand a very important reality for men. They are touch-starved. Forbidden the enjoyment of loving, non-sexual touch from young boyhood, the next time they get to enjoy touch is when they first begin exploring their sexuality. And that's sexual touch. Sure, it might include cuddling and coziness, too, but I suspect many men conflate the two because that's the only way they get any touch.
When I realized the truth of this, I started behaving differently with my clients. While my rules forbid them to touch me, I give them plenty of touch, wrapping myself around them from behind so they are the little spoon. I run my hands all over their body slowly and sensually, taking my time. And they melt! They absolutely melt, and it's the most beautiful thing to see.
Nurturing touch.
Why do we stop offering men nurturing touch past a certain age? Women can cuddle with girlfriends, sisters, moms, or their partners. No easy source exists for that kind of touch where men are held, and the focus is on them.
No wonder the Mommy-Boy dynamic calls to so many men. And 'Sensual Domme' probably gets a lot of attention as a more socially acceptable term for the nurturing aspect.
What Do the Words Really Mean to You?
I'm not saying all who enjoy this dynamic seek the nurturing aspect I have described. But I think this kink gets a bad rap, and is more complicated than my knee-jerk squick ever realized. As with any kink, the name of the kink is just a starting place. Beyond that it pays to get curious about what you and your partner seek. (Which is why when men comment that they want their partner to be more dominant when pegging them, I always ask if they got specific with their partner about what they crave, or just asked them to be 'more dominant'.)
For those of you on Fetlife, This is a very interesting piece of writing on the subject by @Brainjunk. He links to other writings that deserve attention as well, offering different views on specifically how they enjoy the Mommy-Boy dynamic. I love how different we all are!
Ruby Evolves
So I conquered my knee-jerk squick reaction! Thanks Universe, for sending me just the right info when I was ready for it. Thanks to @Brainjunk and the handsome man for thoughtful and eloquent discourse on the subject.
The next time a man who has Mommy-Boy or Mommy Domme listed as a kink approaches me, I plan to get curious and start asking questions. There's more to it than I thought. I still never want him to call me Mommy, but I enjoy delivering nurturing touch like nobody's business. Especially after I have tied him up, beaten him and fucked him. Consensually, of course.
