Truth About Strapless Strap-ons

Originally published in the Tantus Sex Ed Blog, June 12, 2015

Strapless Strap-ons...

They are seductive, the way they peek out from a woman’s vaginal lips and curve sexy and bold into the air, ready for action. So many pictures of exactly that. Mesmerizing pictures. Her hand holds her ‘cock’, as if it were real. It looks amazing. Fun colors pushing apart those lips, sometimes surrounded by hair, sometimes not. I particularly like the purple ones, especially when the woman is pale-skinned. The contrast is stark and shocking, yet intoxicating. I just can’t look away. The pictures are even more exciting because I know that the other part is inside her.

Oh, and the ones that look realistic? Damn, they look like the real thing sticking right out from her nether regions! Right where a cock might be if she actually had one. It’s safe to say that these pictures have caused many erections and a lot of wet panties. I mean, you can just envision her thrusting away with it, making her partner moan with each stroke, right? I can. That’s what makes my panties wet.

Only one problem. The vast majority of women cannot hold a strapless strap-on in and effectively fuck their partner with it.

Yep. You heard me right. I can only speak with authority regarding pegging, because that’s my passion. Pegging is the world I am immersed in. That’s what happens in my bed, sometimes over the back of the couch or perhaps on the kitchen table. But I do have anecdotal feedback from my lesbian/queer/bisexual friends, and we all agree. Strapless strap-ons simply…aren’t. They don’t work well enough by themselves. They need a harness!

So let’s talk about why this is so. Again, keep in mind I can only speak with authority from the pegging perspective.

It’s Wet in There

First, when a woman gets sexually aroused, she usually gets wet. Slippery wet. Awesome wet. Well, awesome unless you are trying to hold in a strapless strap-on. It’s hard to get a grip on something when you are wet and slippery. The vagina is self-lubricating specifically to make sure that things do slide around inside. So to start with, expecting anything to stay put seems like a fool’s errand. Just sayin’.

Now, where pegging is involved, instead of holding the toy in with vaginal muscles and penetrating another vagina, it’s a vagina holding in the toy and penetrating an anal sphincter. Whereas the level of success is (anecdotally) slightly higher vagina to vagina, when it’s vagina to ass, the ass will win almost every time. Anal sphincter muscles are strong.

Get Going With Those Kegels

So let’s talk about the woman’s pelvic floor muscles that are supposed to keep the toy in, also called PC muscles. These are the ones you can exercise doing some variation of Kegel exercises, with or without a KGoal Smart Kegel Trainer to help. Kegel exercises can definitely help strengthen a woman’s PC muscles. There are many benefits to exercising those muscles. Where strapless strap-ons are concerned, theoretically, the stronger a woman’s PC muscles are, the more likely that she will be able to hold a strapless toy inside her while she fucks her partner. Sounds good. Just get going with the KGoal Smart Kegel Trainer and you’re good to go, right?

Wrong. Even with very strong PC muscles, the vast majority of women still cannot hold a strapless strap-on inside while doing any kind of active fucking. Sure, she can lie on her back, put her thighs tightly together and her partner can ride her. That can work.  Or she can clamp her legs tightly together and try the limited number of positions that clamped-together legs will allow. There are markedly few women for whom the ‘strapless’ concept actually works in a knees-spread, I’m going to fuck you hard and fast until you come kind of way, though.

I bring up the PC muscle component of strapless strap-ons, because it gives rise to this harmful myth: If she just does enough Kegels, she will be able to hold in a strapless strap-on.

Why is that harmful? Because even with extremely strong PC muscles, this is simply not true for most women. Sadly, women can end up feeling deficient or defective because they cannot live up to the advertising claims in this regard. Oh, me and my sucky, weak-ass PC muscles, clearly I am a slacker and have not done enough Kegels! Women have even been accused of not doing enough Kegels by their disappointed partners, who believed strapless strap-ons were actually strapless! Weird, right?

One man posted in reddit/pegging that his wife has strong enough PC muscles that when his cock is inside her, if she flexes them full strength, she can almost hurt him. Not even this ‘Queen of the Kegels’ can hold in a strapless strap-on. There’s some perspective for you.

The Cheaper Choice

So what about the cost factor? Some people buy a strapless strap-on to save money, too. Equipment for strap-on sex can get pricey, so if you can get just the one toy and skip the harness, well that will save you money, right? Brilliant! It’s a great concept, if it actually worked. Quite tempting. But quite inaccurate.

Mystifying Marketing

So why are these toys continually marketed as ‘strapless’? Especially when it’s a myth for all but about 5% of women? I don’t know, but it drives me crazy! Manufacturers continue to advertise them as strapless, making an occasional and rare note that maybe she might need a harness to hold it in. Possibly. If her muscles aren’t strong enough.

The purchasers of these toys arrive regularly to my website or to the pegging group on reddit, asking what they did wrong. Why isn’t it working? Why is it so difficult to keep it in? Because my personal mission is to change the world one ass at a time through pegging, I take the time to educate them about the real capabilities of strapless strap-ons. Most of the time they go off and get a harness and eventually find success in pegging.

With that much frustration, though, rest assured much of the pleasure factor goes right out the window, and some women who were reluctant to begin with about trying pegging with their guys reject the whole activity out of hand. Trying to use a double-ended dildo without a harness for your very first pegging experience is not something I would wish on any newbie.

By the way, now that I have established that they are not strapless, I hereby dub them ‘Doubles’, and will refer to them as such for the remainder of this article!

Not For Beginners

Here’s the next important piece of information. In my opinion, Doubles need to be classified as advanced strap-on toys. The first thing a woman wearing a strap-on needs to do is to learn the basic mechanics of using a cock and fucking someone. She needs to learn how to move, develop new muscles, gain endurance and balance, because fucking someone is an athletic event. I recommend getting a flare-based single dildo with a good harness so she can practice these things. When she has rhythm, strength and confidence, when she knows just what angle, speed and depth really send her man, then get a Double. The time for a Double is down the road a ways, when she has mastered the single and you are both like a well-oiled (and lubed) machine with your pegging skills.

Many men select a Double for their first strap-on equipment purchase because they “want her to get something out of it, too”. Men want to give women pleasure so it can be hard for them to just lie back and receive during the pegging process without feeling a bit guilty and uncomfortable. They need to know that she is getting off, too. Seriously, this is so sweet of them, but somewhat misguided because of the information I just mentioned above. She needs to learn how to fuck first, and the learning curve can be steep.

Picture this. Because seriously, it happens this way more often than not. The woman tries very hard to keep the Double inside her and simply can’t, much less have an orgasm like he wants her to. She doesn’t yet know how to thrust, tilt her hips, and use a cock…because she’s never had one before. All of these factors combine to make for a less than stellar first experience. In fact the recipe fails so often that I don’t understand why Doubles are still marketed as ‘strapless’. I feel that ‘strapless’ marketing is doing a great disservice to newbies interested in strap-on sex.

Doubles – Delicious, Dynamic and Deft!

Now. Here’s the important thing. There are enough things to recommend Doubles without needing to lure people in with a claim of them being strapless. It’s not like there is nothing good about Doubles other than the strapless claim. Doubles are awesome!

They give you incredible tactile feedback because of the inserted bulb that presses against your G-spot. Though you’ll never feel that silicone cock going in and out of your partner exactly like a real cock, with a Double you can feel much more subtle pressures. My favorite is that totally hot moment of initial penetration when I’m waiting for his ass to open up and welcome me in. With a Double I can feel that happening so clearly, the very moment his ass opens and he moans as I slide inside him. It’s a thrill every time and I can feel it happening more vividly with a Double.

Additionally, the pleasure factor should never be downplayed. Doubles are the only strap-on toys that provide G-spot stimulation! Huzzah! That amazing G-spot focus, together with the clitoral vibrations from the Fuze Tango, can provide women with levels of pleasure that can slide them into orgasm territory.

What do I love about doubles? I love to lie on top of my partner for a while and concentrate on all the lovely sensations inside me. Then I begin to move in a way that pleases me. I press into his ass in whatever way thrills my G-spot and clit. He can sense the change. He knows when I am moving for me, instead of for him. That is such a turn on for both of us. I love the way a Double can be used for self-pleasuring while fucking my guy.

Whether a woman orgasms or not, she will likely have a butt load (heh heh) of fun fucking her guy. A Double will definitely allow her to feel more connected and feel more pleasure while fucking her partner. For me, it’s a thrill every time I thrust inside him, feel my G-spot sing and my clit dance between us.

Yeah baby!

So there you have it. The truth (as I see it) about strapless strap-ons.

Now. Can we stop calling them strapless…please?

They are Doubles.

And here's my favorite!

©Ruby Ryder 2015