I see posts pretty regularly in Femdom groups that question whether dominant women can ever do specific activities with her sub and still be considered dominant. Often it's about intercourse or blowjobs. And of course the group informs the poster, sometimes not so gently, that dominance and submission can look many different ways, and we all get to choose what works for us.
When the poster of the thread is a male submissive, there can be a profound influence of Femdom erotica. That erotica informs their ideas about what a relationship with a dominant woman looks like, often with very strict rules; because rules are exciting! Often the rules in erotica are all for the titillation of the submissive, strictly from the male gaze. They typically don't resemble reality.
Other times I see strong opinions put forth in these groups by dominant women that no dominant woman worth her riding crop would ever suck her sub's dick or allow him to penetrate her. If she and her sub are happy with those rules in their connection, rock on! But putting those rules on others is bullshit. Everyone gets to build the kind of connection that works for them.
People! I cannot emphasize strongly enough that every D/s connection you form with another person is completely customizable! I urge anyone new to the world of BDSM to remember this in every interaction you have, no matter which side of the slash you are on. Create what works for you and ignore everyone else.
You and the person you are connecting with get to decide what rules you will follow or impose. It is literally no one else's business. You might ask others how their connection works to get ideas and explore different ways to connect, but no one can tell you the 'right', 'true' or 'only' way to create a D/s relationship.
Assumptions have no place. There is no giving or following orders until a necessarily extensive negotiation has taken place. There are no honorifics or capitalization of pronouns until that has been negotiated and expressed as a desire. Additionally, the negotiation aspect of a healthy connection is ongoing. Debriefing and reevaluating regularly allows you to finesse the fit, ensuring you both continue to get what you want and need from the relationship.
In my D/s world, I am not a female supremacist. Therefore, when a submissively oriented man decides to explore a connection with me, we are completely equal when coming to the D/s negotiation table. We get to build what works for us. We get to discover if our Venn Diagram of overlapping kinks/needs/desires is sufficient. Ideally sucking dick is part of our overlap.
I'm a dominant woman who loves to suck dick. Partly because I love dicks; they are like the best toy in the world. They are so fun to play with, torture, suck, lick, smack around, edge. Oh, yeah. Far from considering sucking dick as demeaning or submissive, I think of it as just one more way to play with and torture a dick.
Eliciting moans, gasps and squirms, and eventually hearing him beg for release… Yes, that teasing makes the sadist in me pretty damn happy. I also enjoy slapping his dick around a bit, until he's wincing and twisting away from me. Then I run my tongue all over his dick, circling the head and hearing him gasp. Back and forth, crossing those wires of pain and pleasure. I'll command him not to come, and then do my best to get him there, testing his self-control. Good times.
Before he leaves, I'll unzip his pants and suck his dick until he's nice and hard. Then I'll send him on his way. Even better if I never let him come that day, and just teased the fuck out of him. More good times.
Yep, I'm a dominant woman who sucks dick, and loves it.
2 Responses
I’ve always thought the BDSM community needs to worry a bit less about definitions and enjoy themselves more. At this point in history we really should not be dividing ourselves. So, yes, a dominant woman can suck dick if that’s part of the dynamic and pleasure. If that’s not another couple’s thing, that’s OK too.
I remember once when a Domme told me as part of our negotiation that she expects me to penetrate her as often as she penetrated me and that she expected to be fucked silly. Some might argue that shouldn’t happen. Perhaps some people watch too much porn.
People seem to need rules sometimes. I think they feel more secure living within a defined set of parameters. Of course the problem occurs when they want to put those parameters on others, too.