Men who are interested in pegging are sometimes quite startled by the experience itself. Why? There can be a few reasons, but I want to talk about this one: the surprising intensity of the act.
Sometimes porn arouses a man's interest in pegging. If that's the case, his expectations may have more to do with porn's entertainment portrayal than the realities. Other times the interest stems from discovering the delight of anal pleasure. Sharing the exploration of that newfound pleasure with a partner is a common next step for those receivers.
When pegging actually happens, whether the initial interest was from porn or physical pleasure, the intensity of the experience is surprising for many receivers. The role reversal of pegging is a completely different experience than regular intercourse. But there is another factor that contributes to the intensity. Vulnerability.
Pleasurable anal penetration requires, in my opinion, vulnerability.
(Warning - generalizations involving the gender binary forthcoming.)
The state of emotional exposure that vulnerability involves is often a foreign experience for receivers. Men in Western society are specifically raised not to allow or express vulnerability. Why? Well, it's society's BS rules about masculinity, which I rail against and rant about often. Society conflates vulnerability in men with weakness, which they are forbidden to portray. In reality, it takes tremendous courage to open up and be vulnerable. That openness carries risks with it, however.
Being a man automatically means competing with other men, and vulnerability risks attack. This can come in the form of ridicule, disparagement, or perhaps a questioning of sexual orientation by other men (and sometimes women, too). Most men will not allow themselves to be vulnerable. That's the way to play the masculinity game.
So where pegging is concerned, the very openness and risk inherent in being vulnerable completely scares many men away from exploring it. Those who do choose to explore and allow anal penetration often don't expect the vulnerability that is part and parcel of pegging.
The vulnerability, intimacy and completely different sensation of being penetrated can feel like someone is able to access the very core of you. It can feel overwhelming. Letting down the masculine protective walls and allowing emotional openness with your partner can also feel overwhelming, even in a safe environment.
I spoke of men who become interested in pegging because of porn, or because they discover anal pleasure. There is another reason, not as often voiced, that men yearn to explore pegging. These men speak of their desire to let go of the reins, not be in charge, and not have to run the fuck. They speak of being able to open up, let go, and just receive. Some of them talk about being in charge all day long at their jobs. They want to let go in the bedroom for a change, and bask in the attention of receiving.
When men are able to experience all that in a safe environment with a partner who won't judge them, question their orientation, or see them as less of a man, the gratitude they feel can be intense. What a gift to be able to step out of the man box and open up parts of themselves that have been denied and forbidden. Necessary and natural parts of all human beings needlessly prohibited by society's fucked up view of masculinity.
All this has the capacity to touch a man very deeply. And these are physical and emotional places that are rarely, if ever, touched. So this can feel like a door opening inside of them, a release valve that allows them to step outside of society's rules for a while. A secret room that allows them their full humanness instead of labeling parts of them unacceptable. This experience can feel surprisingly powerful and intense.
If pegging finds a place in your relationship, remember to support each other in this unique role reversal. Be each other's safe places! Support the receiver in their journey into the surprising vulnerability of pegging. Support the giver in their challenge of taking the reins and running the fuck. Magic can happen!
