For all you readers who may be planning a trip to your favorite toy store (in-person or on-line) during the holidays...let's discuss dildos.
There are so many decisions to make as a new pegging couple, especially for first-time buyers of strap-on equipment. And no one likes to invest a hefty chunk of change in a dildo that turns out to be not quite right and you never use it again. So - when deciding about the size of your first dildo...here are a few things to keep in mind.
Couples who are just beginning to enjoy pegging can tend to veer towards either extreme. Moderation is the key. This seems like common sense...but I have learned that when it comes to pegging, oftentimes common sense goes right out the window in direct proportion to the man's desire to be pegged or conversely, his fear of it. Either the man feels a little trepidation about the whole idea, and he insists on something so small that she could have just used her fingers....or he is so turned on by the idea of pegging that his eyes are bigger that his ass can handle. In the latter case, a couple could be permanently put off pegging because the large dildo is simply unworkable - too painful for a new peggee. And if the dildo you buy is really short - it may not even touch the prostate and the whole pegging experience can feel kind of mediocre for the man.
Now it seems only right that the peggee should have a lot to say about the size of the toy that will be going up his ass...but I encourage you to approach this as a couple and try to use reason. Sometimes it is the woman who is so afraid of hurting her guy that she insists on a small toy. Remember, pegging done correctly does not hurt. Think about what experience the man has had with ass play so far. If she can put two fingers inside his ass, there is no need to buy ultra-small.
That's why I advise all couples to indulge in a little anal play before your equipment purchase. Not only will he get used to anal play (if he isn't already) but you will get an idea of what size toys to consider. She can find his prostate using her finger with guidance from him. (I really love hearing "Oh my GOD...right there!") Some men's prostates are deeper than others. Occasionally the combination of a small woman's hand with short fingers and a man who has a deep prostate will result in the woman not being able to reach his prostate with her finger. In that case there are many toys suitable for prostate play that can be used instead. There are butt plugs and prostate stimulators galore. Whether she uses her fingers or a toy - you will both get an idea of what diameter and length feel good to him...and what general size will be needed to hit his prostate and make him swoon.
For more experienced pegging couples, there are some positions where a longer dildo is really the way to go.
Consider the physics of this, if you will. Let's say you have a hot pegging session planned and the desired position is for the peggee to be laying face down with his hips supported by a couple of pillows and the pegger lays on top of him. This is a particularly effective position for prostate stimulation because the dildo is pointed right down towards the prostate. You can play with whether the man keeps his legs together or apart - both can feel exquisite. Having a longer dildo is a real advantage in this position; it will more likely stay inside him and not fall out while she is thrusting. As the pegger I find you can get a little more aggressive with a longer toy. The woman can use a slightly longer stroke - which could be heaven for her guy.
Another position is face-to-face with the peggee's legs up. If you want to go slow, press your bodies together, kiss passionately and share the delicious intimacy of this playful role reversal, a longer dildo is definitely the way to go for this position as well.
Take care with the long ones, though. Couples may find that the longer dildos are too much for positions like him on his hands and knees and her behind. The penetration is deep in that position and taking all 7 or 8 (or more) inches may be uncomfortable for him. Now this is quite individual - many men really love very long and even very stout dildos (yes, we've all seen the videos). And of course you can carefully use a longer dildo and just not insert it all the way, too. I really like the body contact, so I try to match my dildo to the position so that I can push in all the way. Love feeling those ass cheeks against my thighs...or our tongues intertwined as I fuck him.
Consider a trip to your local toy store for the holidays! Well worth the investment. Imagine...one night out on the town, dinner and a movie can easily cost $100 or more. You can buy a sweet sex toy for $100...and that will be a gift that keeps on giving, bringing you pleasure over and over again!
Happy Holidays!
Ruby Ryder
