Today, you get to hear a very human side of Ruby...because there is indeed a woman behind the name...with a life.
Being Ruby Ryder...writing about pegging and speaking about it - teaching classes...recently exacted it's price in my life.
The proverbial rock and hard place.
I finally embrace my kinks. I write pegging stories. I have a website and blog. I answer questions and concerns. I become a bit of a go-to person for pegging in many places on the internet. And I begin to share publicly with others what I have experienced and discovered. I teach classes about one more way for couples to find pleasure in their relationships, one more way to explore their sexuality together. In my dreams I begin to toss around the title "sex educator"...as I plan my book.
I love everything that I do as Ruby, most especially the teaching. I take a lot of joy and satisfaction in knowing that I help people to find more pleasure in this world.
Yet all this that I love...all this that feels like I have finally found my niche...is what makes me undesirable for a life...with my guy.
The fear of being found out by small-minded people with small town mentalities...the potential of being gossiped about and ostracized to the point of losing everything he has worked so hard for...this has caused my sweet, totally amazing boyfriend...to walk away. For him, being "outed" was a concern too significant to risk. So he said goodbye.
I'm human...so I'm hurting. Lots of tears. Lots of angst. I manage to get through my days...sometimes just barely. I'm working out a lot, which has it's rewards; a stronger, slimmer body and a bit of calm for a while afterward.
Damn it. I will always love that man.
6 Responses
Damn……that really sucks. Thank you for posting though. My heart goes out to you and I’m genuinely sorry you are going through this.
I appreciate your willingness to reveal and express this human side of the person we know as the author we love.
Cheers and hang in there.
~B
Thanks, B.
Feels a tad vulnerable to put it all out there…but we are all human…and better for revealing that willingly instead of pretending otherwise.
Appreciate your sentiments. With time…I will be fine.
“…the author we love.”
Thanks! That warmed my heart..
Ruby
sorry to hear, there is risk in everything that is dear but it hurts to lose someone nonetheless….
True. Tennyson had it right…
“Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.”
Oh Ruby, I realize that this happened some time ago, and you are probably well on your way to accepting and dealing with the pain of your loss. It’s too bad that his love for you wasn’t stronger than his fear of being stigmatized by society. Men! we can be such pussies at times and unfortunately, ladies like you have to pay the price for our inherent insecurities. I see from the last line of your original post that you have learned one of the things about love that really sucks, there is no off switch. Time heals all wounds they say, or you die from them, and since I received a message from you yesterday, you must be getting better, at least I hope you are.
Put on a smile, be happy, and remember, It’s better to have loved and lost, than to have to lived with the psycho for the rest of your life. My apologies to Mr. Tennyson.
Jim,
Thanks so much for all your kind words. I believe that everyone comes into my life for a reason…and they don’t always stay. I learned a lot and I had 10 months of bliss. And after 6 months spent recovering, I love how two parts of me can simultaneously exist: One is that with time I find that I remember the good times and the pain of how it ended (and why) has of course faded. Yet I am also quite clear about the part of the relationship that was not good, and never intend to repeat that mistake. I think I’d call that a lesson learned. So hurray for me and it’s nice to be back on the market!