Today, you get to hear a very human side of Ruby...because there is indeed a woman behind the name...with a life.
Being Ruby Ryder...writing about pegging and speaking about it - teaching classes...recently exacted it's price in my life.
The proverbial rock and hard place.
I finally embrace my kinks. I write pegging stories. I have a website and blog. I answer questions and concerns. I become a bit of a go-to person for pegging in many places on the internet. And I begin to share publicly with others what I have experienced and discovered. I teach classes about one more way for couples to find pleasure in their relationships, one more way to explore their sexuality together. In my dreams I begin to toss around the title "sex educator"...as I plan my book.
I love everything that I do as Ruby, most especially the teaching. I take a lot of joy and satisfaction in knowing that I help people to find more pleasure in this world.
Yet all this that I love...all this that feels like I have finally found my niche...is what makes me undesirable for a life...with my guy.
The fear of being found out by small-minded people with small town mentalities...the potential of being gossiped about and ostracized to the point of losing everything he has worked so hard for...this has caused my sweet, totally amazing boyfriend...to walk away. For him, being "outed" was a concern too significant to risk. So he said goodbye.
I'm human...so I'm hurting. Lots of tears. Lots of angst. I manage to get through my days...sometimes just barely. I'm working out a lot, which has it's rewards; a stronger, slimmer body and a bit of calm for a while afterward.
Damn it. I will always love that man.