Her Strap-on Fears

Pegging...this thing we love and indulge in with such passion and excitement...requires equipment. Indeed, much has been discussed here at Pegging Paradise about the necessary equipment; lube, harnesses and dildos. Let's back up a step, though. Let's talk about the step between Convincing Her to Try It and the act of pegging itself.

 

She needs to actually strap on a cock.

This is not as easy for a woman as you may think. I am going to address this article to you men who want more than anything for your woman to fuck you with a strap-on. Let's say you have already broached the subject - she's interested and considering it....

  • Assuming she understands that the male prostate can provide intense pleasure and she really wants to give her partner pleasure
  • Assuming that she has gotten past the misconception or fear that her partner is gay
  • Assuming that she is open enough to not be freaked out by sex toys in general

Even assuming all the above, actually strapping on a cock may be a huge step for a woman. If you sense some reticence, consider the following...

 

She is being asked to do something that messes with strict social gender roles. Though one can say it's just a toy and it doesn't mean anything other than that you like to use toys...that's not the reality of it in that moment when the buckles are fastened and she has...a cock. Having a cock, penetrating and thrusting are quite male-associated things. The whole idea that she could take on the active, penetrative role might take a while for her to be okay with.

Some women have fears that they will look ridiculous. Partly because they have never had a cock hanging between their legs and it looks quite strange from their perspective. They are not sure how to work it, completely unfamiliar with the body motions required to fuck their guy. At first it feels quite awkward and it is common to feel a little ridiculous.

What most women do not realize is that if their guy is interested in strap-on sex, actually seeing her put on a harness and dildo is so fucking hot they can barely stand it! (And she thought she would look ridiculous...)

There are women who cannot reconcile wearing a cock with their femininity...they want to be feminine and see strapping on a cock as acting like a man. Though it is far from that cut and dried, there is no denying that the role of strapping on a cock and fucking her man requires a woman to be active instead of passive, giving as opposed to receiving, penetrating instead of penetrated.

 

Indeed, there are a fair amount of emotional factors that can interfere with...strapping on the cock.

So take it slow. Let her hold the dildo in her hand and fuck you with it first for a few times so she can see how intensely it turns your crank. The first time you bring out the strap-on...try to have it fairly well adjusted to begin with so she can just step into it and you can fasten the one side waist buckle. Otherwise all the straps can be a lot to figure out. Once on - tell her how unbelievably beautiful and hot she looks...because you know she will.

For the first time she does you...consider asking her to lie on her back and you can ride her. That eliminates the skill factor on her end - and gives her a great view! Plus access to your cock, which in pegging play is always a good thing. (Do make sure you tell her that it is common and normal for men to lose their erections or for them to come and go and it still feels incredible.) Tell her this so she won't worry whether you are having a good time or not. And keep telling her how good it feels while you are riding her. Make sure she has no doubt that you love it.

Above all...have fun. Laugh and play and talk and experiment together...that's the stuff good sexual relationships are made of.

 

Happy Pegging,

Ruby Ryder

2 comments

  1. Ruby –

    As I have explored your Paradise, what strikes me most is the struggle it takes not to respond, in some way, to each and every entry. Your thoughtfulness in exploring every facet of pegging; practically, clinically (“risks of rimming”), emotionally and psychologically, for both men and women. So, Brava, Ruby, Brava.

    You also surprise me in your humanity and your humility. You have shared very personal aspects of yourself with us. Many people, when personal heartache strikes, would have simply substituted a link to some other blog or put up some nice fluff and called it a day, and no one who visits your Paradise would ever have known that a cloud hung over it. But you have shared some of your clouds with us too, and that takes courage of another sort. So I thank, and congratulate you for being so honest, and human with us.

    The reality of asking a woman to put on a cock, I must admit, never occurred to me. So thank you, for shedding yet another ray of light in the dark recesses of pegging (subtle pun intended).

    KPP

  2. KPP – Please do not hold yourself back from commenting! That is the dream of most bloggers; a lively and rich comment section. I get some excellent feedback from comments; it’s always nice to know how my writing is received.

    Re: the personal sharing. I thought long and hard about that. Most blogs/podcasts that I follow, I appreciate their willingness to do some personal sharing. I feel I know more about the person behind the words. I chose to expose my deeper parts a bit because it’s an important part of this journey. After all…my public persona around all this is what ostensibly caused my relationship to end. I received nothing but words of sympathy and support from you readers, so I don’t regret the decision to share. Thanks for affirming that.

    Putting on a cock…was not difficult for me, so it took a while to discover that it was indeed a big deal for other women. In my attempts to encourage pegging, and especially to encourage more women to try it, I wanted men to be aware of this dynamic as they traversed the potentially complicated path of convincing their women to peg them.

    Loved the subtle pun!

    Ruby

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