Why Can’t I Come?

Hello Ruby,

My girlfriend and I have pegged about 6 times and I can't always cum from her doing the thrusting. She does me in missionary most of the time, and then we both get tired and move to cowboy and I do the work and cum from that and her hand job. Either way it feels amazing every time. but I cant figure out why I don't cum from her thrusting every time. This normally would not be a problem but to her me cumming means that she did a good job. When I don't cum she asks me why and gets sad because she thinks she wasn't able to pleasure me. But she really does pleasure me all the time; whether I cum or not it feels amazing. I could even say that once I had an anal orgasm but I am not truly sure. Why can't I cum when she is doing the work?

Prostate orgasms seem to have many similarities to G-spot orgasms....about 30% of women report being able to orgasm from G-spot stimulation alone. Men and their "P-spots" are comparable. There is a relaxation component. There is an emotional component as well. Prostate orgasms can be fickle...just like women and their G-spots.

But please let me reassure your girlfriend of something that you have already expressed; no matter whether you have an orgasm or not, you are still very happy with the pleasure you are experiencing while she is pegging you. Instead of being sad that you don't come every time...she should be congratulating herself that she can make you come...sometimes.

That said - here is the checklist of things that will encourage you to have a hands-free orgasm:

  • Positions that provide the most prostate stimulation and let you relax the most. Try this, this and a chair with no arms - you are facing her.
  • Do a lot of foreplay before starting the pegging. The prostate is most sensitive when the man is already highly excited.
  • Play around with thrusting fast, slow, deep, shallow - see what feels best and stick with that.

Most importantly...see if you can convince her to let go of her need for you to have an orgasm. People tend to be so orgasm-centric. Practice just enjoying each other's bodies and not having the point be the orgasm....enjoy the journey instead of just the destination. When you are able to do that - you can be so in the moment...and sex truly becomes amazing.

Happy Pegging!

Ruby Ryder


2 Responses

  1. Very nice response to what I assume is a common concern or question. Your suggestions are right-on. Lot’s of foreplay, even digital play to the prostate works for me. And what you said about “enjoy the journey instead of just the destination” is what many couples forget. When you go fishing you don’t always have to catch fish to have a good fishing trip.

  2. Thanks, Sykiknot. Since I will never have a prostate and know what it feels like – I asked a lot of men a lot of questions and share what I have learned from them…as well as my own experience from the other side of the strap-on….

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