Here's my news...
I have entered back into the world of Vanilla Dating. On an online website.
I was there once before. Pre-website, pre-Ruby, pre-exploring my kinky side.
In my travels within the kinky community I have encountered mostly men who are up for playing but were not exactly...stable. Whether that stability was lacking circumstantially or emotionally it matters not. They just weren't partner material. Not who I could picture coming home to and snuggling up with every night for the rest of my life. I could picture playing with them (and occasionally did) but the attraction stopped there.
That has been my experience. I don't believe that kinkiness and good partner material are mutually exclusive. I know too many happy kinky couples to think that. But it's just not working for me right now.
So off into the land of the vanilla I go. Here's my theory. A lot of men have kinky underpinnings that they rarely give air time to simply because the women they are with are too sexually conservative (silly women). So these men watch porn, fantasize, masturbate and are reasonably okay with not living those fantasies out. Some of them end up single again - as many of us do.
Imagine they then come across a woman (that would be me) who appeals to them on many levels...and they discover that she's actually kinky to boot? Jackpot. Assuming that the kind of kink I'm into is the kind they have been fantasizing about...which is a big if, admittedly.
I mean, the reveal would have to come early, given this blog and my writings and who I am and all.
So what do I do? Just hand him one of my cards with my website as we part ways after the initial coffee? I have been known to say, "well it's not exactly something you bring up on the 5th date, you know." But I'm not so sure about that anymore. Perhaps it is.
Perhaps the idea of pegging can't really get traction in the mind of newbies without the physical and emotional intimacy that provides a secure container for the required trust and vulnerability inherent in the act. If I just throw it right out there that I love pegging - wouldn't it scare away those men who might easily be persuaded within the context of an established relationship?
Then there's the time question. How long must one "establish " the relationship before forging ahead, as it were?
Dan Savage seems to think it's okay to "take them for a spin sexually" before revealing a kink...but he is a guy, after all. As such he is more prone to prefer fucking someone and then getting to know them than getting to know someone and then fucking them. I see his point but I A) prefer getting to know someone and then fucking them, and B) have been historically bad at keeping secrets. To hide all that for a number of weeks/months would be...a challenge for me. Not impossible, by any means. But a challenge.
I'll keep you updated!