So more about my little foray into the world of Vanilla online dating.
Thinking that perhaps there I could find a nice, stable, sane, accomplished man who is just waiting for a woman like me to corrupt him with a little kink...I created a profile.
Here's what I found.
A preponderance of profiles where the man is listed as being a certain age. Then when you read his profile and at the very end he says, in some manner or another, oh by the way I'm really this many years older than what it says on my profile.
What the fuck?
Here's my favorite...
"Okay so I'm not lying because I'm telling you here on my profile that my age is wrong. It's just that people get so judgmental about that stuff!"
No, sir - you are indeed lying. You just wanted to be included in the searches of younger women who were not looking for a man of 55 but a man of 45. You were hoping that your profile and protestations of not looking your age and pics of traveling the world would be sufficient to interest her anyway.
Here's the cheesiest...
"I foolishly posted my age as 39 and (this website) does not allow you to edit your age afterwards. My real age is 49 but I do not look my age at all........"
No, sir, not falling for that one either. This website specifically makes you click one more time, asking you, "Are you sure this is your real birth date? Because we do not allow you to change it past this point!!" You too were wanting to play the search results game. And if it was an honest mistake - make another profile because you want to be honest in the way you present yourself to women initially.
Not that I didn't think about playing the game myself. Fifty-five sounds a little scary to me. I mean...I know that I am in good health and great shape and look good. I still backpack and hike and bike. I have an enthusiasm for life and love and pleasure that so many my age have lost, sadly. But I am really 55. So why pretend to be anything but what I am? So that a younger man will find me in his search results because I pretend to be 45? And then try to decide when to tell him that I am really older? No. That's dishonest. I won't do that. I won't even do it for those few minutes between the moment when he sees my profile, reads it and gets to the end of it where I confess, oh by the way...I lied.
Why would I want to be with a man who is not open to being with a woman of 55, anyway? That's just stupid.
So here's my questions...
Is the level of integrity and honesty I am seeking in such short supply these days?
And the bigger question...
Do I automatically eliminate those men as possibilities? That is my instinct. I am indeed looking for an uncompromising level of integrity as a kind of base characteristic. Because if you don't have honesty...I feel there is nowhere to go from there.
14 Responses
Go with your instincts.
Good advice – I always try to.
Hello, Ruby.
Your instincts are correct; no point in lying about age or dealing with a guy who does. Between marriages, my experiences with the largest U.S. dating service at the time, “Great Expectations” proved the point time and again. My take-away from that was a general feeling that trying to meet people via non face-to-face methods is less than optimal. Every serious relationship I’ve had started with a real-world initialization. That said, my wife’s best friend met her husband on match.com. Obviously, some people find it works.
Best wishes for good luck and happy hunting,
Dave
PS. The pegging thread at Aneros.com misses you. 😉
Thanks, Dave. I met my second husband online. And my last relationship. It does seem to work for me in terms of meeting them – I just need to improve my “chooser”!
Agree on going with your instincts, why bother, seems to me they are automatically excluded. Honest ones are out there!
Thanks for the vote of confidence!
I second that, your instincts are great here Ruby. Honesty is a necessity for me.
Thanks – I think it’s unanimous for the instincts…!
Hi Ruby, I love this new adventure of yours. I want someone to love you deeply in an open, strong, and honest way.
As you said in your podcast, pegging is varsity level intimacy.
Wow – I want that, too. Well I’m putting myself out there and we’ll see what happens.
I love these dating updates, us married folk like to occasionally live through our single friends and getting to look forward to the pegging conversation makes things all the more exciting.
LOL – vicarious thrills, indeed. Wish there was some way I could get vicarious thrills form the married folk as to the deep intimacy, shared thrills and togetherness you all have… 😉
Greetings from far away land. (:
I suppose that you are looking for incoming links sometimes (because you are looking for search phrases), so I have to comment my own blog post at http://freeresearcher.net/backside/?p=288 – its in Russian.
My blog is about pegging and sexuality (gender roles, sx and politics, some LGBT rights and so on) and this post is about different.. er, my English may be not good enough to say it correctly – about different body perception in our cultures.
In USSR woman about 40+ years was an old women, due to poor health and, I suppose, sex-negative culture. You are from different world, you are write to this blog (I read it about half an year) and I know that there are plenty sex-positive resources in USA. Some books like ‘Of Sex and Human Loving’ is on my own table (in translation). And its wonderful, because sex-negativistic culture really hurts.
I hope that my post with your photo is not insultive, after all.
Alexey, Thank you so much for writing!
Your post with my photo is an honor – thank you. I used Google translate to read your post and will continue to explore it further. Very good! I really admire your efforts to bring sex-positive attitudes to Russian people.
Your English is quite understandable. My compliments.
Thank you for connecting with us here at Pegging Paradise. Pegging all around the world!
All the Best,
Ruby