Newbie Solo Ass Play


Gentlemen, perhaps you have found your way here from links on the internet somewhere and you were intrigued. Or perhaps your lovely SO has mentioned that she'd like to explore your ass. Only one problem - you have never done ass play. Like, in your whole life. Never. Not so much as a finger. It's okay. Just keep reading...

Where to Start With Solo Ass Play

The best way to learn about your sexuality is to explore your own body. Masturbation is an excellent example. Since you have played with your cock enough to get it down to a fine art, you are much more knowledgeable about what turns you on and what doesn't, which helps in communicating the finer points of your sexual preferences to your partner. So it stands to follow that the best way to begin finding pleasure in your ass is to explore it yourself, first.

If, at this juncture, you are sort of freaking out, that playing with your own ass somehow makes you gay, read this and listen to this.

Cleaning Out to Avoid a Mess

Many men find that all they have to do is make sure their bowels are empty before playing, and there's no problem. This works best if you have a good diet with enough roughage and you are relatively young - I'm going to guess, and say under 40. Typically, feces do not sit in the rectal canal. Rather, they stay up in your colon and periodically get released into the rectal canal, and your body gives you the message that you have to go.

If you want to be sure you are cleaned out, you can use this to rinse yourself out in the shower. Then wash just the exterior of your anus with soap and water. Easy peasy. You are good to go.

If you want more  information about staying clean, read this. And this is great information, too.

Don't Forget to Trim!

Fingernails: Make sure your nails are trimmed and rough edges are smoothed, and/or use gloves (which can help with clean up as well). The lining of the rectal canal is delicate and can tear easily. You don't want that to happen, so you should never use anything with sharp edges for anal play, including your fingers!

If you don't want to use your finger you can also use a butt plug or small dildo.

Slippery is Good For Solo Ass Play

Lube: Lube is an absolutely essential component to enjoying the exploration of your ass! (And please don't let any stupid porn video make you think otherwise - spit is not lube.) You can use coconut oil, just be sure to put down a towel because it can stain. Also, take a small amount out and put it in a small bowl or on a plate because you don't want to stick your fingers back in the jar when they have been in your ass and you suddenly realize that you need more lube. Here are what I consider to be the two best anal lubes on the market:

  • Sliquid Silk Hybrid lubricant - Completely body-safe, no bad ingredients, lasts a decently long time, doesn't dry out and get sticky. Amazing stuff. Hybrid lube with 12% silicone but will not damage your toys! I use it all the time and it has never harmed even one of my toys (because I have top quality toys that are absolutely 100% silicone). Excellent company. (Code Ryder for free shipping.)
  • Palm Grease - Only 3 ingredients! Queer and POC owned company in Michigan, thicker with high melting point. Does not wash off with water (hello shower play). Cleans up with regular soap easily. Shelf life 2 years. Blends with natural juices and conditions tissues to prevent tears. Vegan. (Code PEGGINGPARADISE for 20% discount.)

How Does Solo Ass Play Work?

Position: The position that you find the most comfortable to explore your ass in is very individual. Explore a few and see what works best for you. You need to find a position that is comfortable for you so that you can really relax. Laying on your side with one leg drawn up, on your back with your legs up, on your hands and knees, or sitting back on your knees - those are all positions men talk about. Consider using pillows to support your body. I have even heard a man say his favorite position was...sitting on the toilet! That sounds decidedly not sexy to me, but it works for him. Above all, comfort is important. You need to be able to relax.

Turn On: Get yourself turned on in whatever way works best for you. Porn videos on your phone, fantasizing your favorite scene, reading erotica, jerking off, playing with your nipples or your balls, whatever works. The reason why this is important, is because once you start playing with your ass, it will feel better and you will have an easier time finding your prostate if you are already turned on. It swells with prostatic fluid and becomes more sensitive.

Outside First: Your mantra here is going to be go slow. So you want to start massaging your perineum, the area between your anus and your scrotum. Many men love having this region touched, as it is an indirect stimulation of the prostate. Next just massage your anus, around the rim and back and forth and whatever feels good. If you push on the anus without entering, it will encourage everything to relax.

Inside Next: When you are ready, make sure your finger (toy) is well-lubed, take a deep breath and as you breathe out, push out as if you are trying to have a bowel movement (don't worry, if you have cleaned out, you won't). This allows the sphincter to open and your finger should slide in fairly easily. If it starts to feel uncomfortable or you feel pain, back off and give your ass more time to open up. Don't rush your ass! Again, go slow. Sit there for a while and just get used to the new sensation. Initially, the only thing you might feel is like you have to go to the bathroom. That will pass. But many of you will already be thrilled with new and very pleasurable sensations.

prostate massage

Locate Your Prostate: Your prostate is located about 2 inches inside, towards your belly button. Exact same location as a woman's G-spot, if that helps. The prostate is about the size of a walnut, and is easier to find the more turned on you are. Some men will know as soon as they find it. But other men won't be able to feel anything at all. Once you've found it, experiment with what feels good. Gentle pressure? Stroking? Rubbing in circles? Quick in and out? On and off pressure? Do remember not to aggressively poke the prostate, because it is a gland and you don't want to bruise it.

From here, just explore, and discover what feels good to you!

Some Cool Things to Try

Jerk Off: Most men report that an orgasm from combined prostate stimulation and penile stimulation feels about 10 times more powerful than a normal orgasm. Jerk off while playing with your ass and see what happens! As a side note - do not be concerned if you are unable to attain an erection while you are playing with your ass. This is completely normal. Some men have erections that come and go, some men stay hard the whole time and some men can't get hard at all. So remember, all of those are completely normal.

Prostate Massage Only: Alternately, use your fingers or a toy and only massage your prostate. Some men say that they really don't enjoy concurrent penile stimulation with prostate play, that it somehow distracts them from the amazing sensations they get from the prostate, because it's a different type of sensation. You might be one of those guys! And some men can even orgasm from prostate stimulation alone, as well as enjoy multiple orgasms (so if you are still reading and were wondering why you should try this...there you go).

Butt Plugs

Plugs stimulate your prostate and can be worn during many activities. Intercourse, oral sex in either direction, foreplay. Watching a movie with your SO or out to dinner with her. Making a quick trip to the store and wanting to have a more fun experience! No one will ever guess the reason for that big smile on your face. You are limited only by your imagination. And by the toy. For longer term wear, I suggest the Njoy Pure Plugs or the B-Vibe Snug Plugs. And both of these plugs sit between your ass cheeks more comfortably, so the differential between the widest point and the neck is large enough so that the plugs stay in more easily.

Prostate Toys

Some men find using their own fingers awkward. If you are not flexible enough, your arms are short, torso is long, fingers are short, prostate is further in - there can be a lot of reasons - your ass can be difficult to reach, which makes finding your prostate nigh impossible.

In that case, or if you just want to take your ass play to another level entirely, I recommend four different toys. The first two do not offer vibrations and the second two do. Vibrations are a matter of preference - some men don't like them at all and say it makes everything sort of go numb. Other men say they can't really get much pleasure from their prostate until they use a vibrating toy. Experiment! Remember that anal toys must have a flared base to be safe, and make sure they are not toxic!

Best Choices for Solo Ass Play

Aneros Helix Syn: When inserted, this device provides hands-free prostate stimulation by clenching your anal sphincter. Consequently, it's a great toy to wake up that area of your body to the pleasures that are possible. And some men find they can orgasm hands-free while using it! This is a great toy for beginners. And should the opportunity present itself, wear it during intercourse for explosive results!

Njoy PurewandThe curve, length and shape of this toy is perfect for prostate stimulation, solo or with a partner. Makes your prostate easier to reach, and longer ass play sessions are almost effortless because of the weight of this solid stainless steel toy. Designed by an engineer with a love of ass play. This toy gets rave reviews across the board (and is amazing for G-spot stimulation, too). One smaller end and a larger one, for beginners and advanced. The smooth metal will hold heat, and feels delicious warmed up by running hot water over it (not too hot!).

Aneros Vice 2: The Cadillac of prostate massagers. It's a beautifully designed piece of equipment, the shape rests right against your prostate. So VICE 2’s two motors, 18 vibration patterns and 4 speeds, for 72 sensory experiences that range from subtle to intense. A of mine says this toy is so intense that he only uses it monthly. So every month, the neighbors hear him yell when he comes.

If you purchase items from, be sure to use the coupon code Ryder for free shipping!


Have fun playing with your ass! Just remember....

Cardinal Rules of Ass Play

No Numbing Agents!

Not Too Fast

Not Too Big

Nothing Sharp

Plenty of Lube

Anal Safe Toys

 ©Ruby Ryder

4 Responses

  1. Ms Ryder is amazing. I stumbled across her page about 1.5 years ago, & heeded her advice in exploring my likes, I went from being in a relationship of 27 years (married) & sexually bored, to knowing what feels right & good, the likes of which I had no clue! Still married, with a peaceful relationship & a contentedness that only anal play has been able to achieve! I am Not attracted to men, have no desire to experiment with same sex activity, however my prostate is a part of me that has changed my life (prostate stimulation that is). I still am a little shy in conversation, but once I have been aroused and my prostate has been stimulated, I become an anal slut that has nearly no boundaries! My wife will get me horned up and try things that baffle my imagination! Behind closed doors ( & some secluded nature environments) I accept my role of anal freak when we play!!

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