Hearts and wings have always gone together for me. I have a tattoo of a heart with wings. I collect heart with wing things, like Christmas tree ornaments, coffee cups, and jewelry.
What the combination represents to me is a freedom of expression, a willingness to cleanly express true, uncensored feelings whenever possible, especially with my circle of friends, my family and above all, my partner. I am emotionally quite sensitive, though you wouldn't guess it from the capable, dominant exterior I present. That is surely where my exterior comes from, the need to protect my soft interior.
Over the years I have learned how to protect and celebrate my tender insides as well as soften my sometimes intense, intimidating outsides. Balance is what I strive for, harmonious, enjoyable connections with the beings who surround me, encouraging expansion and openness while eliminating fear and constriction whenever and wherever possible.
This general theme is closely related to my sexuality, of course. Previously, I needed to learn to connect with myself sexually before I really began to learn to connect sexually with another person. I could connect emotionally, but I wasn't honoring and expressing the sexual parts of me, so how could my partners?
When I finally took that step and began to embrace my sexuality, connect with myself and explore the thoughts, visuals and kinds of touch that turn me on, it was such a freeing feeling! At last, the hidden, constricted places inside me began to loosen and open. Still with some shame, at first. With time, though, I began to explore with relish.
That's where I am now. Having the time of my life. Pretty much shamelessly! I feel free to express myself and love what turns me on. It continues to be a challenge to open up and let someone give to me sexually, I am much more comfortable giving. But it's a challenge I am rising to and getting practice at. I am determined to become a better receiver! After all, what an onus! Right? Such difficult homework, learning to receive pleasure… What the fuck, Ruby.
So after that lengthy preface, what I really wanted to say is that all you guys here at Pegging Paradise are a model for me, and I want to thank you. Because you are learning to receive, open up, let someone else run the fuck, let someone else give you pleasure while you lay back and receive it. It's such a turn on when a man does that for me, that I know it would be an incredible turn on for a man giving pleasure to me. Just allowing myself to be receptive, connected, engaged and reveling in the pleasure.
I making myself sound like this is all black and white, and it's not, really. I can receive sexually, but it's hardly my forte. And I know I can get better at it. I know I want to get better at it. So that's my goal. Thanks to all you guys for being my awesome examples, letting your ladies fuck you up the ass!
Speaking of that...I'm headed to Austin TX at the end of June to teach....and practice more receiving. Yep, Mr. Hot Body is going to get a visit, and we are going to continue our dance.
But back to the task at hand.... I hope you all enjoyed masturbation month as much as I did! Here at Pegging Paradise, I discovered something about myself. I discovered that I can take a sexy picture, and create a story. It feels like an easily accessible skill that I had previously not tapped into. I certainly did this month!
You know what I decided to call it? "Every picture tells a dirty story." I love creating this way, it makes me happy. It resulted in a couple of new erotic stories for my subscribers, too. After five years of writing sexy erotic stories that involve pegging, pictures feel like new blood, a previously undiscovered source of inspiration.
So last night? Last night I was reading the first book of the Marketplace series by Laura Antoniou. Compared to the beauty series by Anne Rice, it's like grown-up BDSM. Very sexy, highly recommended for you aficionados of BDSM erotica. There's a particular scene with a beating that revved me up last night. I got off once, and then pulled out my Hitachi to get off again. I had to break my previous record of 35 orgasms in 31 days. And I did it! (Takes a bow.)
So did anyone else keep track? What were your numbers like?
