Gentlemen.
I think I am beginning to understand, on a deeper level, what a minefield pegging is for you. With my recent podcast talking about shame along with your contributions, elaborations and comments that filled in some blanks I didn't even know existed, I'm getting a clearer picture. Having been born without a prostate, there were some things I didn't understand.
I didn't understand how harshly your own gender will judge you, how much they hold you to society's fucked up "show no weakness" expectation, and how the unwritten rule is that any man that allows himself to be penetrated is somehow inferior and subordinate to those men who do not.
I didn't understand how harshly women might judge a man they perceive as weak, too.
I didn't understand how often vulnerability is incorrectly conflated with weakness.
That's an awful lot to get past to enjoy pegging.
When I try to put myself in your position, these are the things I think about...
How would it feel to find a sexual act that I needed a willing partner for, an act that is quite taboo in most circles and is looked upon negatively by the majority of my own gender. This act also causes people to question my sexual orientation, and yet it brings me more pleasure than just about any other sexual act I have experienced in my life. Talk about a conundrum.
Combine that with society's immediate judgement of any man showing weakness, society's conflation of weakness and vulnerability, and the necessary vulnerability inherent in pegging, and I imagine I'd feel pretty boxed into an incredibly frustrating corner.
Given all that, when I encountered a woman who was open about her love of pegging, one who didn't judge me or question my orientation, it would be awfully hard not to come at her with both barrels blazing and ask if she would peg me or talk about how awesome that would be or how much I fantasize about it, however ill-advised I knew that might be.
This explains why I get so many crude "will you fuck me" approaches from guys. You see a chance to jump out of that frustrating corner with impunity and you go for it!
So gentlemen, I understand your frustration, as much as a person without a prostate ever can. I also have boundaries.
I will answer your questions about pegging, listen to your stories about pegging and your frustrations about not being able to find pegging. I will staunchly defend your right to find pleasure in any part of your body you choose and I will tell anyone who would give you grief about it to fuck the hell off. I will research the best toys and share the information with you. I am behind you (heh heh) 100%.
I have one request. Leave me out of your sexual equation. Don't cross that line and start talking about what you'd love for me to do to you or what you'd like to do to me. You can think about it all you want, just refrain from sharing those thoughts with me.
Thank you. And good luck finding a woman who will fuck you to your heart's content!
4 Responses
I came across your website about a month and a half ago. Since then I have listen to every podcast you have made. You are a wonderful person.
Since you are writing about putting yourself in the mental space of guys, I thought I might reflect on the final few lines you wrote from your perspective. I have seen how people react to a lady that opens up about her sexuality first hand on many occasions, methods, and formats. Its always ends up the same. They are flooded with unwanted attention from individuals that lack a certain… charm. It really makes many of us guys angry when other men act that way towards a lady like yourself. Please know that I am sure more men that were raised right listen to you than you know.
Its just that many of us are more hesitant to post replies than those who cannot tell the difference between conversation and vulgarity.
I hope this attention isn’t what has caused the recent break on your blog and podcast. I truely wish that the break is due to wonderful events, or at the very least the hard work that leads up to those wonderful events.
Looking to read/listen to more from you,
Listener and first time poster
Jon
Thanks, Jon, for your comment. I appreciate your reassurance. You are spot on about how it happens. Great to know the nice, charming guys are out there, too.
Thanks for writing this! I’ve popped on and off sites like Fetlife so many times I look like a flake. I go hunting for well adjusted men my own age that take care of themselves as well as I do and get completely inundated and overwhelmed by overzealous pups and men twice my age… leaving me decidedly underwhelmed. Likewise I am happy to answer their questions and be an ear to their frustrations, but chit chatting isn’t a strong enough base for attraction.
I sympathize with both sides here.
The questions are fine with me. That’s what I am here for, to educate and inform. Sometimes the frustrations are fine too, but I don’t always have time for the long personal stories, as much as they need to be heard by someone. The chit chat so often becomes wanking conversation and then I’m done. That what phone sex operators are for.