PSA About Sexualizing

Thoughts About Sexualizing by Ruby Ryder pegging BDSM
Thoughts About Sexualizing by Ruby Ryder

Let's Talk About Not Sexualizing People

I realize many times comments like "I dream of you doing me" or "I wish you could slide that deep inside me" or "I need to come to California and we can get together" are playful. But please understand that I (and most women) do not appreciate receiving these comments. They make me (and most women) feel uncomfortable. I am not laughing (nor do most women).

I get sexualized a lot because I talk/write freely about sex and my kinks (common problem as a sex educator) and I also post fetching pics of myself. But my articles and pics are not invitations for anyone to sexualize me. They are an expression of my sexuality, not an invitation.

Let me try to explain the difference: I will listen to stories about your sexual experiences, I will answer specific questions you have about bdsm/pegging, I will even give you advice on how to talk to your partner about bdsm/pegging. Here's where things can take a wrong turn...

The moment you start talking about doing anything sexual with me, it pisses me off, because that is sexualizing me, and we do not even fucking know each other.

I don't care how far away from me you live, or to what extent you meant it purely as a joke, those types of comments ALL feel uncomfortable to receive. I repeat, those types of comments ALL feel uncomfortable to receive. Please do not make them.

What is a better way to phrase it, a more respectful way? Compliment my appearance, if you admire that. Compliment my equipment, if you admire that. Say my pic/writing turns you on if it does. The closest you can come to the line is perhaps to say you dream of finding someone like me someday. But draw the line at openly talking about having sex with me (no matter what kind of sex it is), even if you are kidding, because we are strangers, and it comes across as creepy and disrespectful. There is no such thing as 'it was just a joke' here, folks.

Also, feel free to fantasize about anything under the sun (that's the cool part about fantasies) but if they involve me, I don't want to hear about them!

Now you know about sexualizing, so don't do it.

Thank you kindly.

I wrote this from my own perspective and personal experience, clearly, but I have made some gender binary generalizations. I know many women feel similarly because we've talked about it. But ANY gendered or non-gendered person may object to being sexualized. My intention was not to leave anyone out or label all people in ANY group, FYI.

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