A Reminder About Sexualizing

Why do we need a reminder about sexualizing?

After having recently received a spate of emails and messages that go into detail about some type of sexual encounter between the person who sent the message and me, I feel the need to re-post this reminder about sexualizing.

What is this 'sexualizing' you are talking about?

Describing a sexual encounter between me and you, whether in text, email or private message on a social platform.

Why is it wrong?

Because we are strangers. If you wouldn't walk up to a stranger in a bar and say it, don't send it to me in a message.

But you are a sex educator! Isn't it okay to talk about sex with you?

You are welcome to tell me about the sex you have with your partner(s), or the sex you'd like to be having with your partner(s). Talking about experiencing anything sexual with me, however, is completely unwelcome and offensive.


Because it feels creepy, uncomfortable and disrespectful to receive. Every time. We are strangers, remember? Use the woman in the bar example as a measure!

So I can't share the fantasies I have about you...with you?

NO. I'm not trying to police your fantasies. You can fantasize about whoever, whatever and however you want - that's the great thing about fantasies. But I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THEM. Ever!

But it's just a joke!

You are the only one who is laughing. I just feel uncomfortable and offended. There is no room for 'just kidding' in this scenario.

Is it wrong to do this to everyone?

I can't speak for everyone. But unless they make their living as an adult film star, stripper, sex worker or on only fans, folx usually do not welcome being sexualized. Generalizing, women tend to feel uncomfortable when sexualized, and men tend to do the sexualizing.

But aren't you a sex worker?

That is one of my professions, yes, and you are welcome to send sexualizing messages to my professional sex worker email. That is the only place they are welcome. Those are my boundaries.

But you talk about all this sexy stuff and it gets me turned on! I can't help myself!

Grow the fuck up.

For another reminder about sexualizing - read this.

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