Learn to Give Good Anal!

The Popularity And Perfectionism Behind Butt Sex

The above article, in my opinion, was clearly written by a man who has never received or given good anal sex. I really, really hate it when people try to write about something they are not experienced in and have seemingly never really explored.

...more than any other sex act, anal simultaneously symbolizes both the capacity to push through suffering and the willingness to please.

ARRRRRGH! Incoming Rant....

  1. Anal sex is not for everyone. Some men and women love it, some like it, some can take it or leave it and some absolutely hate it and will never change their minds. They are simply not buttsex people - and that's okay. Not everyone has to like anal just like not everyone has to like anything (margaritas, fruitcake, the Simpsons, liverwurst). We are all different and that's what makes this world so awesome. (By the way - readers of this blog - though you may feel like everyone should try the pleasures of receiving anal sex, please do not become anal fanatics and run around insisting that everyone would like anal if only they did it right. Not true. You have a perfectly wonderful asshole, but please do not become one.)
  2. MEN - Do it right. Many of you younger men seem to have a huge interest in having buttsex with your women these days. Fine. So DO IT RIGHT. Stop with the stupid, puerile jokes about slipping it into her ass while she's sleeping or in the wrong hole during sex and claiming it's an accident. You are showing your incredible ignorance of how respectfully an ass should be treated when you make these jokes and talk with the guys this way. And it shows clearly that you have never received anal sex or you wouldn't even joke about it. The idea of a woman shoving a dildo up your ass with little or no warm-up and spit for lubrication would make you pucker with fear...and we're not talking about your lips here. If you want to have anal sex with your woman, learn how to do it right. Especially if you want her to come back for more.
  3. Do it right - Take II. The idea that women (especially younger) say yes to anal sex because they are pressured definitely has some validity. But I am a firm believer that women's resistance to having anal sex can often be traced to receiving it (or hearing a girlfriend talk about receiving it) from a guy who didn't know what the fuck he was doing. Anal sex is not inherently painful - it depends largely on the skill of the giver. Of course it's going to hurt if you treat it like a vagina and try to have anal sex like you see in porn! Jeezus. You guys want to slide your hard cock up your woman's ass and experience the taboo thrill? Then study up and learn how to make it pleasurable for your woman. Simple as that. If you are lucky - you will find your woman enjoys receiving anal sex. Then again - she may be a woman who would have loved anal sex...if only you fucking did it right. There's some incentive for you.
  4. We are not masochists! Men and women who enjoy anal sex are not just masochists who enjoy pain...that's just pure ignorant bullshit. Buttsex done right should not hurt! Sure there are those who will experience pain every single time and they are most definitely not buttsex people. But many people, when you treat their ass with gentleness and respect, teasing it into responding and opening up...will enjoy it. For example...gay men who have anal sex, heterosexual men who enjoy pegging, women who receive (good) anal sex from their guys and lesbians who love anal strap-on action with their partners. All these people are supposedly masochistic? Please. So - people who are anal sex ignorant - please do not label us buttsex aficionados as across-the-board masochists. My mind just went to the last time I enjoyed pegging a lover's sweet ass...he was moaning with pleasure and came without his cock being touched. Was he in pain? Decidedly not.
  5. Do not learn from porn. Porn is fun - I enjoy it.  Yet porn often depicts fantasy non-consensual acts that involve pain. Depicts is the operative word here. Do not learn about anal sex from porn, for the love of everything sweet and sexual and juicy. If you are a sadist - pick up a paddle, a riding crop or a flogger (after you have educated yourself how not to injure someone) find a consenting masochistic partner and have at them. Do not use anal sex for inflicting pain...ever. Anal fissures are nothing to mess around with.
  6. Women - offer a trade. I have said this many times, but it is once again so appropriate here. You women who are being pressured to have anal sex with your boyfriend? This is how to dramatically increase your odds of enjoying pain-free anal sex with your guy: Tell him fair is fair, and you are willing to receive anal from him if you can give it to him first, with a strap-on the size of his own equipment. I suggested that on a reddit/sex thread and freaked out a bunch of guys! It was comical. I still firmly believe that men who receive pegging (done right) will approach a woman's ass with a completely different point of view; respectfully and gently. There is sometimes no better teacher than experience.

The people who are experienced in the giving and receiving of pleasurable anal sex are the ones who are qualified to write articles about it instead of expounding upon the psychological theories of why receiving anal sex is masochistic. This writer left out one of the most important points - people (especially men) need to learn how to give good anal sex. Once that happens, you can take all that anal sex is masochistic crap and re-evaluate it.

In response (okay, and reaction) to this article, I have begun a step-by-step pegging guide. I've been asked for that for some time now. Though it will be about women pegging men - the information contained in it should be helpful for men giving anal to women as well. I will have that for you readers early next year. If my muse visits over the holidays (he's quite inspiring)...perhaps sooner!



13 Responses

  1. Thanks for the great information. For awhile I was thinking I might be the only guy curious and turned on about the idea of getting pegged. She used her little toy on me during oral and it was amazing to say the least! So this xmas bought her a strap on that we could both use. It should be here anyday and Im still dropping hints like “hey honey have you read this article?” I hope she gets as much pleasure – I dont want it seen as a selfish act.

    1. Goodness no you are not the only guy turned on by the thought of getting pegged! Not many men actually confess this to each other without the cover of anonymity…but there are indeed a lot of you. More every day…

      As far as it being a “selfish act” – I’m going to write a blog post on that because I hear it so often. I believe it is okay to ask for something that only pleasures one person at a time during sex…people do it all the time! Blow jobs, cunnilingus, hand jobs, etc. All only give pleasure to one person at a time. That’s perfectly okay as long as you return the favor and give her something that she really enjoys, too. That’s not being selfish – that’s being open about your wants and desires. As long as you rock her world regularly in whatever way she loves, she will likely be eager to indulge you in something that rocks your world, too. And she may even discover pegging turns her on…

      Hope your lady takes to the new strap-on eagerly and you both have a pegging-filled New Year!

  2. I agree with you Ruby with a small addition… Just because I’m not receiving stimulation doesn’t mean I’m not experiencing pleasure.

    I get almost as much out of seeing, feeling, hearing my wife orgasm as I do out of my own orgasm. Both my wife and I have approached each other’s respective kinks in the light that it is something the other person thoroughly enjoys, even if it’s not something that turns our cranks if left to our own devices.

    Here’s an example. My wife LOVES to have her feet played with during sex. I don’t generally find feet in and of themselves attractive. But knowing that it pleases her, pleases me, and I find myself able to touch her feet in a way that I NEVER would have if I didn’t care so much about her pleasure.

    This approach to our sex-life has led us down the path to pegging and a great deal of other sexual experiences that neither of us would have even dreamed of on our own.

    Bottom line: So long as it’s not dangerous, degrading or demeaning (in a bad, negative or psychologically damaging way), and you can both find pleasure in it, then it’s just like Ruby says; It’s not selfish to ask for what you want. If your partner truly cares about your pleasure, he/she WANTS to know what you want.

    You’re Amazing, Ruby! Happy New YEAR!

  3. KPP! Very, very well-said. I can talk all day long about the subject of simultaneous pleasure/pegging/selfishness but one comment like this expresses it so clearly. This is exactly what I was trying to say. Thanks for contributing!
    Thanks also for your kind words (blush).
    Happy New Year to you and your wife!

  4. I read this article last week and I was really annoyed. Yes, I do think that there is lots of bad behavior where anal sex is concerned, and maybe that’s because porn has become a replacement for actual sex education. But that’s another rant. The idea that young women don’t have control over their own bodies and pleasure and ONLY do something to hold on to boys is so offensive to me. Of course it’s true for some. But it’s a very unfair generalization.

    Finally, I’ll note that the piece was written by a man who very publicly got into it with the founder of the Good Men Project over the founder’s apparently parochial attitudes about women. Huh. Pot. Kettle. Black.

    1. Hi Liza, thanks for visiting. I completely agree with you about porn shaping what is prevalent in sexuality these days. It is a different rant, but I can’t help thinking that if there were porn movies that showed loving, intimate, safe, normally paced sex they would sell just as well as all the fake misleading crap.

      I like what you are doing over at your place. The honesty, sexiness and intimate level you write from is so engaging…keep it up!

  5. Great writing here Ruby. Love the trade part, which I have also believed in for a number of years, not to mention going anal both ways is sexy. Great work!

  6. Don’t give up on the right guy honey. The man you’re dating may well be the one for you. What I know is if its done right, there’s every chance you will love receiving anal sex as much as pegging him.

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