Masturbation Euphemisms

I have to say - I'm a little jealous. You guys get the real zingers. I suppose that makes sense because it seems that most of you gentlemen are quite proud of your lovely cocks (with reason). You make up names for them, talk about them in the third person and in general just seem to publicly celebrate them more than we women find ourselves bragging about how much our pussies rock.

There are so many euphemisms...

Some are cute, some are stupid some are silly. Some offend even my (not so delicate) sensibilities.

I didn't choose those...

But these are the ones that really made me laugh.


For the Ladies

Working out at the Y

Tiptoe through the two lips

The two-fingered tango

"Looking for Waldo & his dog (gee, spot, there you are!)"

JoycelynEldering (!)

Manual override

Putting out the fire

Fingering something out

Fucking without complications

Applying lip gloss


For the Gentlemen

Calling in the secret service

Consulting with your silent partner

Hand to gland combat

Roughing the suspect

Going Hans Solo on Darth Vader's head

Liquidating the inventory

Smiting the pink knight

Stroke the satin-headed serpent

Wrestle the dragon

Tipping off the inspector


Happy fapping, everyone.

(Just clicked 'add to dictionary' for fapping. That word is here to stay.)


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