Questioning His Orientation?

Yes - it's that time of the month again when I try to counter the automatic assumption that any man who enjoys getting fucked in the ass needs to question his sexual orientation.

No, he really doesn't. All he needs to do is have fun getting fucked in the ass by whomever he damn pleases.

If that someone is his girlfriend/wife with a strap-on - awesome.

If that someone is his boyfriend/husband - awesome.

If that someone is both of them - awesome.

Why this insistence on labels?

Why can't we just like what we like? All of us!

The need to put someone in a category with a label and classify them often arises more from fear than something more benign like curiosity, I believe. If the aforementioned man's orientation is anything other than heterosexual, his girlfriend/wife may fear that she can't satisfy him and therefore he will be unfaithful.

Beyond simple descriptions, labels serve to divide us. Like peggers from non-peggers. Sensual peggers from D/s peggers. Gay, hetero, bi. Be careful of the assumptions you make when you hear those labels. Let them only give you a hint but not the whole story of the person they describe. Do not assume. Instead, I urge you to inquire.

I'm enjoying a new phenomenon I've noticed lately. Mostly among young people. Someone says, "I have a date Friday night!" No matter the gender of the speaker, the first response is, "Cool! Guy or girl?" I love that non-assumptive stance. It feels so allowing to me, so open to anything and accepting of all.

That's our future. So let's embrace it now. Let go of the fear. Let go of the labels.

If a man likes to receive anal sex, he simply likes to receive anal sex. The rest of his story requires questions, not assumptions. Grant him that respect and simply inquire.


This public service announcement will be repeated on a monthly basis in an effort to deconstruct the myth that men who enjoy pegging are somehow, inherently gay.



6 Responses

  1. Agreed that labels serve little purpose, and are often applied with a negative result. Sexual pleasure, and the love which often accompanies such pleasure, does not need categorization

    1. Nice phrasing. One of my favorite quotes – paraphrased from “The Lazy Man’s Guide to Enlightenment” is this:
      “In each and every moment, we all have the choice to either contract with fear or expand with love.” Labels feel contracting. Accepting sexual pleasure as just that, sexual pleasure, feels expanding.

  2. Thanks for the sympathetic response. So lovely to hear directly from the site administrator. My “big girl” recently passed on after 20 beautiful years together. I often feel very lonely, and miss the delightful intimate contact we had together. Finding others on the web who share this passion for a variety of healthy & happy sexual activities is proving to be a healing balm as I create a new life & new loves. Thanks for making this website-blog available.

  3. Hi Ruby… Thanks for the condolence. Living without Judy is a difficult experience, but the beautiful and close relationship we shared together makes all of the pain worth while. Sometimes, I wish everyone could feel this terrible pain & loss, because it would mean they first had the priceless experience of a close, loving, trusting, and adventurous relationship. Judy initiated “pegging” me soon after we first met, which grew to a variety of intimate & sexual activities that were all based on fun, trust, and deep personal growth. We never took anything too seriously, except our love and trust for each other. I have a lot of positive sexual & relationship experiences to share from our many wonderful years together. How is the best way to go about expressing these experiences and feelings on this blog? Should I create a new post? Are there any topics or details considered too risque’ for this blog, or specific areas of this blog. Besides being new to this site, I am also new to blogging, and will appreciate all the help & suggestions you can offer. Many, many thanks to you.

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