The Stress of Being Straight


Dan Savage opened one of his latest podcasts talking about a recent study whose results seem to indicate that straight guys are more depressed and stressed than out gay and bi guys. That's right. That's exactly what the study seemed to indicate. Dan's theory about why that might be true caught my attention.

Here's the gist of it. Gay and bi guys who are out enjoy expressing their sexuality in whatever way they want to, for the most part. They have a confidence about their sexuality because they're out to their friends and family so they have nothing to hide.

Straight guys, on the other hand, are constantly concerned about anyone thinking they might be gay. Since society is rife with homophobic idiots, men constantly monitor their behavior. A man who actually expresses feelings or wears pink or enjoys cooking is a potential target for being accused as gay. Dan said he actually gets letters from girlfriends and wives who worry that their guy is gay because he wants to fuck her in the ass! Not to mention the men who enjoy ass play themselves.

So straight men either hide their behavior that could be considered gay or they just don't do it. And this is not just sexual behavior, this is all their behavior. What they wear, how they talk, how they walk, hobbies, interests and preferences.

Because Dan framed it all the way that he did, I realize now more than ever the struggle you men have with telling your partner you are interested in pegging. Because if you are going to take any behavior and stupidly label it gay, males enjoying ass play is the most powerful gay stereotype there is. It's certainly different than liking fresh flowers in your home or as Dan says - going to a Broadway show.

Which brings us to Pegging Paradise, a place where pretty much all the men enjoy having their ass played with. (Yay!)

I'd like to think that this is a sanctuary where men who enjoy anal play can come and talk about it, learn about it and ask questions. I have attempted to create a haven for all straight (or not yet out bi) men who love having their ass stimulated, and their partners who enjoy that with them. Guys - here you can stop monitoring your behavior and be accepted exactly the way you are, not judged or labeled. Here, I hope, you can relax just a bit.

If only for a little while, I encourage you to let go of all the stress...of being straight.



6 Responses

  1. Let’s be honest… we are all anxiously awaiting for you to take the world by storm so we don’t have to live with all this built up stress.

    So could you please hurry and dominate the world (pun intended?)

  2. I would definitely agree with Dan Savage’s analysis. Being open about your sexuality and possibly risking your friend’s and family’s or even your partner’s disapproval is certainly going to prevent a lot of men from expressing themselves in whatever way they would like to.

    I really don’t see any other way to get over this than to just talk about your desires and not let someone else throw you of course.

    When you spent a considerable amount of time of one of your previous podcasts on discussing your very own kinks, Ruby, that exactly was one of those situations where overcoming the terror of putting oneself out there is crucial to moving on.

    This is the classical problem that every minority has to face at one point. But as scary as the consequences are, the reward might just be even greater.

    Ultimately – and this is getting kitschy – having the courage to ask your partner for an assfuck is really the accomplishment to be proud of and actually getting her to do it is a different part of the game.

    1. Sadly, men admitting they would like to be ass fucked has more social blow back that women admitting they would like to ass fuck a man.

      I do believe that the reward is greater, but social acceptance is a powerful motivator so many men who love pegging still prefer to keep it as confidential as possible.

      Yes – a lot can happen between asking her and her doing it. So much, the order of which is so important, that I teach about that in my classes now; the period of time between concept and actually doing it. Rushing things can be disastrous.

  3. Hmmm Do I monitor my behavior? Probably yes.. but Ive been doing so long that really is a reflex by now. Have I been Pegged, no.. I still have that barrier of, If I do that ..will I regret it or what will it mean? Does this take up much of my time.. no.. normally when brought up by someone one in a group or at a munch.. I dont have anyone really to go over this with .. because I really dont want anyone else finding out..

    Not sure I believe that straight men are depressed because they dont give in to being ass fucked.. But it does give one thought.

    as always thank you Ruby

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