Personal Ponderings…


Fun fact: The men I find myself most attracted to are most often ex-military. Sometimes I feel as if I have a magnet for men who have served. Probably because I love that contrast of the uber masculine man who lets down all of his defenses, opens up and allows me to fuck him, allows that deep level of vulnerability. Also, the men who have served often have wounds deep within that call out to the healer inside me.

Why they are attracted to me I couldn't tell you. I am no pushover, that is sure. Perhaps that strong personality is something they need to balance out their intensity, stand up to them, and take over at times. I realize my looks are quite decent for a woman of my age, that probably contributes. And of course the sexual activities I offer and love are rare to find, even rarer to find with enthusiasm. That's all speculation on my part.

Given that preface, here's what's been on my mind lately. Recently I've had a spate of interactions with men that have all ended with them just flat out ceasing to communicate with me. Well, every potential relationship you have will fail...until one doesn't (thank you Dan Savage), so it's not so much that they didn't work that puzzles me. It was the termination of communication. I was thinking good grief, these guys are all ex-military, some even special ops, which requires extraordinary levels of courage and fortitude. Yet they lack the courage to even communicate with me? What the ever-loving fuck? How does that make any sense? Are words really that scary?

A girlfriend corrected me. Sure, these guys are incredibly brave in the ways of battle, which is no small feat. But most military men are actually not so good at communication, especially about personal stuff. Excellent point. With the particular men I interacted with, they chose not to verbally deal with the situation and deliver the message, even via text or email. No one likes to tell someone no. But honesty is always better than silence. And it does require skill and courage. But an altogether different type of skill and courage than what is required in battle. A type they apparently don't possess.

Words are such an important part of my life. These words I write for you here, the words I speak on my podcast, the words I use when teaching, when encouraging men to let go of their shame and love the pleasure they have discovered in their bodies. I am, admittedly, a pretty intense communicator. I would like to feel met in that area with a partner. That would be nice. The art of communication has the potential to thrill me. I believe the foundation of a communication-rich relationship must begin with the willingness to say what's real, and not just the things you think a person wants to hear. The hardest part of saying what is real is telling a person something you know they don't want to hear.

I can recall a thread in the OKCupid forums about this. I was really surprised how many people had the attitude of - hey, a non-response is a response. It's a no! I disagree. I feel it lacks grace and manners. Learn to respond with honesty, kindness and diplomacy. If we all practiced this, the world would feel like a gentler, kinder place.

On another level, a less kind one, I do think that a non-response is fucking cowardly. Seriously. Grow some balls. Or go out and buy a dildo with a pair. I might have one for you.


(Apologies for using a piece of the male anatomy as a symbol of courage - all genders are capable of extraordinary courage whether they possess testicles or not.)


9 Responses

  1. i always thought that the ones who communicate well are the ones who would be consistently in a long term relationship.

    kind of like back in the high school days where trying to date one of the popular chicks was difficult as they were always sought after, and therefore werent available to begin the process of developing that kind of relationship for long. the window of opportunity would close too quickly for anyone without a preexisting relationship that would naturally lead to a romantic “upgrade” hehehe.

    perhaps this is similar

    1. Well, I would like to think I communicate well. But to really know, I’d have to ask the guys who disappeared…and I doubt they’d answer!! LMAO I am in a smartass mood tonight.

  2. Some guys just don’t like to communicate. I have been married for nearly 20 years and it’s only in the last few months that I have been able to truly open up to my significant other and even then we’re not fully there.

        1. I do keep late hours sometimes – definitely more of a night person. But I assure you, I do sleep. Otherwise how could I fuck all those lovely asses? (Still in a smartass mood.)

          1. Best time to get anything done. no annoying interruptions!
            My SO is a day person and I just plain don’t sleep much. Give me more time to read naughty websites 😉

  3. Maybe they’re just not that into you? Maybe they come to you simply because they know they can get anal without questions and once they get off they’re done playing. Are you really that shocked? You’re proof positive that pegging doesn’t necessarily lead to a healthy relationship since you speak about “them” as if there have been many “lately”. I would say stop trying to use pegging to your financial and sexual advantage because it puts you in a pump and dump situation, except you’re the one pumping and still getting dumped. ?

    1. Oh my. Aren’t you the angry commenter!

      …they know they can get anal without questions…

      So…because I am open about my sexuality and my passions, you assume I fuck any man who wants it with no questions? Interesting assumption. And completely inaccurate. These were dates, not men I fucked. I reject your slut shaming and call you out on it.

      You’re proof positive that pegging doesn’t necessarily lead to a healthy relationship since you speak about “them” as if there have been many “lately”.

      I have had many dates, lately, yes. I have enjoyed them. And I will continue to date a lot…because I can, because there are many men who want to date me, and because I enjoy it. But again, you assume I fucked them all??? Wow. Your assumptions are laughable. Plus, more slut shaming, which I again call you out on and now say – shame on YOU.

      I’m actually curious why you are here. Because “Kris” could be either gender. My best guess is that you are a woman. Your partner has approached you about pegging, you really don’t want to do it, and so now you are mad at me. I suggest you take the conversation back to your partner and stop triangulating. This is not going to help your relationship. Talk it out with him and stop attacking me.

      I do talk a lot about asses on this blog, but I don’t tolerate people acting like them.

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