Fun fact: The men I find myself most attracted to are most often ex-military. Sometimes I feel as if I have a magnet for men who have served. Probably because I love that contrast of the uber masculine man who lets down all of his defenses, opens up and allows me to fuck him, allows that deep level of vulnerability. Also, the men who have served often have wounds deep within that call out to the healer inside me.
Why they are attracted to me I couldn't tell you. I am no pushover, that is sure. Perhaps that strong personality is something they need to balance out their intensity, stand up to them, and take over at times. I realize my looks are quite decent for a woman of my age, that probably contributes. And of course the sexual activities I offer and love are rare to find, even rarer to find with enthusiasm. That's all speculation on my part.
Given that preface, here's what's been on my mind lately. Recently I've had a spate of interactions with men that have all ended with them just flat out ceasing to communicate with me. Well, every potential relationship you have will fail...until one doesn't (thank you Dan Savage), so it's not so much that they didn't work that puzzles me. It was the termination of communication. I was thinking good grief, these guys are all ex-military, some even special ops, which requires extraordinary levels of courage and fortitude. Yet they lack the courage to even communicate with me? What the ever-loving fuck? How does that make any sense? Are words really that scary?
A girlfriend corrected me. Sure, these guys are incredibly brave in the ways of battle, which is no small feat. But most military men are actually not so good at communication, especially about personal stuff. Excellent point. With the particular men I interacted with, they chose not to verbally deal with the situation and deliver the message, even via text or email. No one likes to tell someone no. But honesty is always better than silence. And it does require skill and courage. But an altogether different type of skill and courage than what is required in battle. A type they apparently don't possess.
Words are such an important part of my life. These words I write for you here, the words I speak on my podcast, the words I use when teaching, when encouraging men to let go of their shame and love the pleasure they have discovered in their bodies. I am, admittedly, a pretty intense communicator. I would like to feel met in that area with a partner. That would be nice. The art of communication has the potential to thrill me. I believe the foundation of a communication-rich relationship must begin with the willingness to say what's real, and not just the things you think a person wants to hear. The hardest part of saying what is real is telling a person something you know they don't want to hear.
I can recall a thread in the OKCupid forums about this. I was really surprised how many people had the attitude of - hey, a non-response is a response. It's a no! I disagree. I feel it lacks grace and manners. Learn to respond with honesty, kindness and diplomacy. If we all practiced this, the world would feel like a gentler, kinder place.
On another level, a less kind one, I do think that a non-response is fucking cowardly. Seriously. Grow some balls. Or go out and buy a dildo with a pair. I might have one for you.
(Apologies for using a piece of the male anatomy as a symbol of courage - all genders are capable of extraordinary courage whether they possess testicles or not.)