Date Your Tribe – My Bumble Fail

Ruby Ryder shares black sign with pink text saying "Definitely not Vanilla"

Date Your Tribe

If you are a kinky, sex-positive person, it is important to date your own tribe, and look for those dates where your tribe congregates.

I was on Bumble for a hot minute right before the pandemic hit. Somehow, I'd forgotten that looking for kinky people in a non-kinky place is a fruitless endeavor.

One guy who wanted to meet me for coffee back then recently reconnected with me. I invited him to the next munch that I host in the kink community so we could meet. To be fair, he didn't know what a munch was, so I explained.

In the kink world, a 'munch' is what we call a social public gathering of kinky people requiring no special dress and involving no activities beyond conversation. Often munches take place in restaurants, bars or other public venues.

This munch takes place at a gay bar. I love this bar. I love that my favorite bartender calls me sweet pea and sunshine, and refers to the cash I pull out of my cleavage to pay for my drinks as 'tittie money'.

Bumble guy says, "Not my type of bar, sorry."

Wow. That was a timesaver! I love it when people show their true colors so quickly.

As a kinky sex educator used to being surrounded by sex-positive folx, crossing paths with this guy, so constrained by his fears and homophobia that he wouldn't even go to a gay bar felt a little like encountering an alien.

We don't speak the same language, even though he claims to have seen a domme 'a few times'. I suspect he sees kink as a dirty little secret. I see it as freedom of sexual expression, my passion, my lifestyle, and the juiciest part of my life.

The best part of this alien encounter was that it was clear I've done an excellent job of surrounding myself with lovely, kinky, open-minded people. That's why he felt so alien.

Date your tribe!

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