No…He’s Not Gay

Ruby Ryder shares man caressing ass with one hand, decidedly not gay
Ruby Ryder shares man laying on his side, legs spread, caressing his ass with one hand

He's not gay.

Okay, everyone listening?

Two common misconceptions about pegging:

  • If a man likes pegging, he must be gay.
  • If you peg a straight man, he will become gay.

Cue Laughter and Eye Roll

Both of these are so ridiculous as to be laughable on so many levels. Gender preference has nothing to do with the sex toys you like to play with...or the area of your body you like your partner to play with. For those of you who have fears around this - please excuse the laughter...though I do find the concept quite humorous.

Think of it this way...If a straight man enjoys getting pegged by a woman there is no reason whatsoever to think that all of a sudden he will crave sex with men. Just like if a straight woman enjoys receiving oral sex from a man there is no reason whatsoever to think that she will suddenly want to be a lesbian. See how silly that sounds? (Now if the man is bisexual, just ignore all this and go to the next blog post because he prefers both genders so these points are moot.)

A man who wants his ass fucked is gay, you say? Bullshit. (I seem to be in a sassy mood tonight.) Remember, the male ass is the source of an amazing amount of pleasure via the prostate gland. Whether a man experiences that pleasure from his lady's finger(s), his own finger(s), a toy (there are so many), his lady’s strap-on, a butt plug, his partner's finger(s) or his partner's cock makes no difference. All of the above are simply various examples of the pursuit of pleasurable sensations from an ass. Many really nice toys are specifically made for anal pleasure! That should give you a bit of pause. Maybe the people buying these items know something....just like the 150 - 200 million gay men in the world. But wait - I'm probably confusing you...

Unexplored Ecstasy

The point here is that anal exploration is about pleasure, not an indicator of gender preference. What I find a shame is that so many straight men will not indulge in that pleasure because of these misconceptions along with the bullshit social stigma attached to it. Maybe it's just me (standing here ready with my strap-on), but that sounds like a lot of pleasure being abstained from...and oh my the word abstinence  in any form is not a popular one amongst the pleasure seekers that have found their way to Pegging Paradise! I am certain there are men out there who secretly would love to have their ass teased with...well, a variety of things. These men hesitate to ask for it because they fear their partner's reaction to their request or the reaction of others if they found out.

All of this is fed by the original misconceptions as well as a puerile dose of idiotic homophobia. Get over it, people! I know...easier for me to say here in Southern California when some of you might be in conservative strait-laced sex-negative hell somewhere. But hey - we need to start somewhere, right? Are you going to let other people's narrow-minded attitudes affect your pursuit of pleasure in the privacy of your own bedroom (hotel room, board room, etc)? I think not.

No Fear - Not Gay

So Ladies, I urge you to get over your own fears that if you fuck your man in the ass with a strap-on dildo the gay fairy will instantly appear and sprinkle him with magic gay dust and you will lose him forever to his own gender. Okay? If you can't let go of that fear, you have no business strapping on a dildo. I mean really...are you going to follow him around after you fuck him and be suspicious of all of his encounters with males? Let it go, ladies. And when you get your man where you want him and you have your way with him...don't kiss and tell. Especially if you live in one of those strait-laced sex-negative hell places I spoke of previously. Instead, treasure the vulnerability your man has shared with you and let him know that come hell or high water or nosy girlfriends, he can trust you to keep that part of your sex life confidential.

Pleasure Seeking

Gentlemen, the other part of the formula here is you. If you are clear about which gender you prefer, that's your stable base. Do your best to let go of any homophobic comments you have heard, read or even, heaven forbid, said. Your anus is a part of your body that, when properly stimulated, offers a whole new world of pleasure. Orgasms with anal stimulation are most times much more intense and produce much more cum (that's always fun). Given just that, why wouldn't you want to at least check it out? If you love it, all that means is that you love getting fucked with a strap-on by the woman who makes you hot. There is no "Insta-gay" phenomenon that happens if your lady pegs you. As one man put it: I like breasts with my strap-on, thank you!

Pegger/Peggee

Wouldn't it be awesome if people who were into pegging walked around in T-Shirts that said, simply, 'Pegger; or 'Peggee'? I mean - relatively few people who are not kink-oriented know the sexual meaning of the word so lovingly created by Dan Savage. So the masses of people leading lives of quiet desperation (read: sex-negative) wouldn't have a clue what it meant. And if asked, one could always say with a smile, "Look it up on Wikipedia". Just make sure it's a cat-that-ate-the-canary smile as you say the words and they just might look it up. Presto, you have just spread the word about a luscious, sexy, pleasure-filled act that couples can add to their carnal repertoire. You may have changed their lives forever...in a rather explosive way.

Or perhaps you could have coffee mugs saying 'Pegger' and 'Peggee' to make people at the office wonder what you are up to. You could share a lazy morning cup of Joe with your sweetie after a totally hot night of pegging...the word on the cups extending the sweet afterglow a little longer.

Wishing you provocative and passionate pegging.

(This article was written before the evolution of the gender binary. Please excuse the use of strictly gendered terms.)

Ruby Ryder

39 Responses

  2. You had me reading with interest until the “Maybe the people buying these items know something….just like the 150 – 200 million gay men in the world.” See it all goes right back to there..

    Thank you for your website.

    PI

    1. So….you won’t do anything that gay men do because you don’t want to be thought of as gay? Then you might want to stop kissing and hugging and caressing and getting head and….well, lots of things.

      My point in that sentence was it feels good! Gay men don’t have anal sex because it is their only option, they do it because it can be amazingly pleasurable! Too many straight men are sadly, so homophobic, that they will avoid trying something that could give them an orgasm 10 times as powerful as they have ever experienced…just so no one thinks they are gay. Wow.

      Where it all goes back to, PI, is the prostate gland. That incredible pleasure-giving gland accessed through your ass. That is the commonality here.

  3. Ruby Kissing hugging and so on, I don’t count that, come on you don’t either. It’s just something that has always been off limits. In fact my only experience is my yearly check up.. which I can tell you is Not FUN. I’ve been reading about it and have noticed that most of the men who do respond are bi/gay or that hetro-thing. Yes I know you will roll your eyes (see I have read) but I do worry about it leading to other things. I don’t want to wear a dress, be called a sissy or have a guy introduced into what ever. Yet its kinda all I read about.

    Again thank you for your website..and reply
    PI

  4. PI,
    My pleasure (responding). I love it when people write me!

    Asses being off limits I understand. But who made that rule? I am here to encourage people to look at it a different way…as not only not off limits, but as potentially extremely pleasurable.

    If all men’s experience with anal stimulation was like your yearly exam, few men would desire anal sex . Your Doctor is not there to make it enjoyable for you – he/she is there to do a job. In fact I would hazard to guess that he/she would prefer it if you didn’t enjoy it. Awkward!

    Men who respond to pegging discussions on blogs and websites are many times Bi because straight men who enjoy pegging are pretty close-mouthed about it, understandably.

    To use Dan Savage’s words, there is no magic gay button on the prostate that is activated when your prostate is stimulated. There are many misconceptions about pegging. I would absolutely agree with you that pegging porn and pegging erotica have in common feminization, humiliation, degradation and abuse.

    That’s why I am doing my part to present a different view of pegging. Many of my stories have FemDom overtones and play with the roles of Dominant and Submissive…but it is clearly all consensual and enjoyed by both parties.

    I would like to offer that ALL the men I have pegged are quite straight. I think pegging leads to…more pegging!

    Thanks for the conversation…so glad you enjoy the website.

    Ruby

  5. But who made that rule? The same people who say I should open or hold open doors for people coming in or out, be a good person, if on a date you pick up the tab and you drive to her..

    I feel if I do this I will be some how “less” I don’t know how to explain it any better, I’m sorry. It’s not religion, where I grew up (San Diego Native) it’s just how I feel.. Yes obviously I’m conflicted in this otherwise I would not be here.

    Thanks for listening

    PI

    1. Although I am obviously enthusiastic about pegging…my goal is to to offer information rather than trying to convince. Sometimes I approach the subject with the over-zealousness of a recent convert (which I am). But in the end (ouch, pun not intended) pegging is not for everyone. The cool thing is that sexually we all get to decide what we want to do and what we don’t (in this country at least).

      The push pull of the taboo, on one hand, and the values one was raised with, on the other, is intriguing to say the least. Social mores are powerful…a large factor in why I did not embrace my own kinky desires for so many years…and why I did not pull my erotic stories out of the back of the filing cabinet for so long, too. But there is no right or wrong; it’s not like you are definitely going to miss something if you don’t try it. Some people choose to explore the forbidden…and don’t like it. Others live their lives quite happily without venturing into that territory. Only you can decide what is right for you.

      Glad to have you here while you are trying to figure it out…you are welcome to stay as long as you like..

  6. I just want to say, I have never actually done pegging before but I have used vibrators on my own ass and once my gf used a vibrator on me as well. I enjoy it very much and it does increase your orgasm… OMG does it ever.

    I was always afraid that since I enjoyed this feeling so much that I too was gay. I believed it so much that I actually tried it with another man. Let me tell you, pegging does not make you gay nor does fucking yourself in the ass. I did not enjoy it with the other man and felt very gross afterwards. I will never again do it with a guy and I found out that I AM NOT GAY! Not that I have a problem with ppl being gay cause I don’t.

    The feelings you enjoy have nothing to do with sexuality. The only thing that defines your sexuality is the gender you like doing it with. Just like a gay guy does not want to have anal sex with a woman, a straight guy is not going to want to have anal sex with a man. In fact, there are a lot of gay guys out there that do not like anal sex…. does that make them straight? no… because it’s not the act that defines us.

    Just because a gay guy likes pizza, does not mean I can not like pizza as a straight guy.

    1. Wow – thanks so much for your comment. Nothing like hearing it straight from a guy (pun intended) about the internal struggle over sexual orientation that pegging can bring up.

      We can all like the pizza!

      1. Hi, I am really struggling with this and need help. My oh really wants me to put on a strap on but I feel really insecure about this. I absolutely get the whole prostate stimulation thing and don’t have a problem using my hand or toys on his ass but can’t control the sinking feeling if he wants me to wear something penis shaped and give him it does he have gay feelings (he won’t admit to being a married man with kids) or will he like it so much he will want the real thing? Us women like vibrators but like the real thing too. He has
        Kicked off, saying I’ve made him feel like a weirdo or gay and I’m worried he’s protesting too much!! If he had reassured me he loved me and why he wants this I might be a bit less worried….Help please!!

        1. I hear you. And I understand you are worried and concerned.
          You basically have to separate the sexual act itself from the gender preference. You, like many people, assume that men who enjoy anal play are gay. Did you know that only 36% of gay men even have anal sex? The area of your body that you enjoy having stimulated has absolutely no bearing on the gender you prefer to do the stimulating. This is not about gender preference – it is about sexual pleasure, period.

          Anything done between a man and a woman is by definition heterosexual.

          Thinking that if you use a strap-on on your husband, it will turn him gay makes about as much sense as thinking if a lesbian uses a strap-on on her lover, that will turn her straight. See what I mean?
          Let that go. Lesbians enjoy cunnilingus – so if your husband goes down on you will that make you a lesbian?

          Your husband got angry because it is a big deal for men to admit that they enjoy anal play – mostly because the ‘gay’ misconception is so very strong. Men enjoy anal play because prostate stimulation feels incredible! It feels as good as G-spot play does for women! Did you know that an orgasm achieved by prostate stimulation in combination with penile stimulation can be 10x more powerful than any other type of orgasm men usually achieve?

          Do some reading here on the website:
          https://peggingparadise.com/blog/2011/06/does-pegging-feel-good/
          https://peggingparadise.com/blog/2011/08/her-strapon-fears/

          Perhaps his approach was not optimal, perhaps he didn’t give you enough reassurance and say it just the right way, but please give him a chance. If you husband is straight now – he will be straight after you peg him. Will he like it – yes! He will probably LOVE it. Don’t let the intensity of his enjoyment freak you out – be happy that you can give him so much pleasure.

          And the truth is that if you can trust him and set aside your fears, you can be like so many couples who have found a new spark and intensity in their sex life! That’s never a bad thing.

          1. Hey again, kara.
            So now we get a little bit more of your story, perhaps? He waited until you were married with kids to tell you, maybe?
            Some people really don’t know what they want sexually until they get older. So, when you have reached the point of married with kids, are you forbidden to express what you really want because it will be seen as emotional coercion?

  7. Just read your blog. I absolutely agree. I am a bi-woman married to a straight man. To say that our pegging would “turn him gay” is as ludicrous as to say that a guy having oral sex or fingering me is what turned me bi!

  8. I’m in the same boat as str8guy. I always loved anal stimulation (since I discovered it at ~15 years old). For a long time I questioned my sexuality and even tried meeting up with a guy for sex in my mid-twenties to see if it was something I actually wanted. I was too turned off to even attempt sex despite the fact that he was a nice guy and would be considered attractive by most standards I think.

    Now I’m with a wonderful girl who enjoys screwing me with a strapon. It feels fantastic though the only position we’ve been able to make work so far is doggy-style. I’d really like to be able to pull off missionary because I think it would be a lot more intimate, but she says it’s uncomfortable for her and she has a hard time thrusting. Tips appreciated!

    2. Sorry I would just like to ask Str8guy too. If you liked it so much you tried it with a man why did you come to the conclusion you were straight after one encounter…maybe you just weren’t compatible with that partner? Maybe my husband will do the same (want to try it with a man?)

      1. I know you were asking str8guy, but he may not respond…
        Gender orientation is something people just know. str8guy was open-minded and curious enough to want to try it with a man. He did. he hated it. Why try it again? That’s like saying okay – you tried eating pizza once and it totally grossed you out – why would you do it again? PLUS, sounds like str8guy was single when he did this. Your husband is not.

        str8guy does not like muscles and hairy bodies – he confirmed that. But he likes ass play!! They are not connected just because the shape of the toy is like a penis.

        If a man is bi-curious he may be more bi-curious after you peg him. If he’s straight – he will still be straight.

  9. Ok so let me ask you a question since there are no double standards here. If I were to buy a strapon pussy and want my bf to wear it while I sucked and grinded on the rubber clit, all while he got no stimulation at all, that wouldn’t make me seem lesbi-curious? If you say no you’re obviously a liar. And do you think if I wanted to do this all the time, my bf would just be happy knowing “the immense pleasure” he was giving me? Not likely. Ruby, you talk a lot about pegging being about female empowerment and role reversal but that’s bs because fucking a man in the ass is all about HIS pleasure. Pseudo-feminists are the worst.

    1. Took me 4 days to approve your comment. Sorry, been really busy.

      There are many women who get off intensely while pegging their guy, so I’m not really sure why you assume it’s ‘all about his pleasure’. In fact, your comment is full of absolutes… “all about his pleasure”, “no stimulation at all“, “if I wanted to do this all the time“.

      You know, sexuality is not about absolutes. What thrills one, disgusts another, and there are an infinite variety of variations in between. Clearly you are disgusted by pegging, or had some encounter with a partner where they left you because you refused them pegging, perhaps…otherwise I cannot fathom why you would be here…on my blog…telling me how wrong I am about everything I am saying. That’s the very antithesis of preaching to the choir, actually. That’s a fuck ton of anger and discontent, too. Misdirected towards me, I might add.

      Bisexuality exists. The terminology is not “gay curious” or “lesbi-curious” (first time I heard that one), it’s bi-curious. Because they are already fucking their heterosexual partner, so the most they could be is bisexual, not likely they are full-on gay or lesbian.

      Here’s where I own my own stuff: When I wrote this, the error I made and fully admitted to in subsequent postings as well as podcasts…was that I didn’t leave any room for the bisexuals. In my eagerness to let women know that if a man enjoys anal stimulation that doesn’t make him gay – I was presenting the situation as black and white, which it most certainly is not. So the reality is, if your man is bi-curious and you two explore anal stimulation and pegging, it could indeed make him even more bi-curious.

      …You want to own your own stuff, now?

    1. Hello again, kara. (Your IP address gives you away.)
      The noises a man makes while he is being fucked are like no other. They are full of desire and vulnerability and taboos busted all over the floor. They are beautiful. To each their own, right?

  12. Ruby, you’re like 50 so I’m assuming you have children. What do your children think of their mother getting paid to graphically describe fucking and eating men’s assholes??? I know you won’t publish this comment because the truth hurts and you’re only open-minded enough to allow comments from people who agree with you but I would like to know….how does someone Fuck up so hardcore in life that they’re reduced to becoming a closeted gay man’s internet prostitute? You’re one sad, old skank, I feel bad for you. Btw how many times do you brush your teeth after you tongue an HIV infected ass? Hopefully lots. Good day!!

    1. Hello again, kara. So your IP address puts you somewhere in Kansas. Not surprised that you are in the Midwest. actually. You might want to come on out to CA someday and see what it’s like. People out here are are often much more open about their sexuality. Your prejudices are showing, hon.

      I have one child. She and I are in business together – we do home sex toy parties. I hide nothing from her. The truth? here’s truth for you: I have never been as happy as I am now, doing exactly what I love to do….spreading more pleasure in the world. I’ve enjoyed our little chat, but you crossed a line. No name calling, kara. Not allowed. Good lord, you are so very filled with anger. Might want to seek some counseling about that. Must make day-to-day life pretty fucking unpleasant.

      Good luck to you..

    2. You just gave away so much about the fear and judgement that must dominate your life. Sex, intimacy, experimentation, role exploration, evolving tastes, curiosities and as you get older the confidence to encourage that in others and then in you is nothing but love. I personally have like many taken years to even start to truly understand myself that way and a huge part was in slowly through becoming more mature and understanding and trust and openness of the lovers I have been with, relationships I have been in, been lucky enough to get to know myself.

      This is all about you, this can’t be about anyone else. If you were happy and free and content, the consenting adult sex lives of others wouldn’t have the power to make you recoil and go on the offensive.

      Live and let live, eh?

  13. So i’ve been married for almost 7 years and we’ve known each other for nearly 10 years. In a previous relationship i was exposed to sexual kinks to include pleather thigh high heals, pleather gloves, and now to my understanding pegging. I really enjoyed the feeling of anal stimulation and thought the outfit was the norm with this. But in a following relationship i mentioned i liked this upfront and wad humiliated and ridiculed, so i think i shut down from being open about it in relationships and never told my wife until years into our marriage.

    The problems are as follows:
    1. I never told my wife about my sexual deviations as she calls them. After researching, sexual kinks may be the more appropriate term, but still unsure. Over the years i have subtley tried to bring it up by having her get gloves then thigh high heels and finally a dildo. But now she feels as if i am gay and doesn’t trust me. She thinks all i want is another person, she thinks i wsnt “dick”. I told her i am not gay and i wanted us to be more intimate, but now she only thinks i want something else. I stopped asking for it and we have “vanilla” sex as she calls it, but still doesn’t think i am happy with vanilla sex. She thinks i want something else.
    2. In an effort to understand her views and to be more intimate i always asked her how it feels. If i ask her to swallow or to take it in the ass, i should be willing to as well but she views that as being gay. So she caught me one day in her thigh high heels with a dildo in my ass because i wanted to know why she was against it… she always said the heels hurt. So to better understand (from a visual learner) i did a really stupid thing and put on her heels n gloves and put a dildo in my ass. She caught me and now can’t see me the same. She says she thinks of me differenyly and i should have told her about my kinky nature when we dated. Our marriage is now really broken and barely can speak to me.

    I love pussy and having sex with women, enjoying her moan as she orgasms from me. However she no longer has a desire for me since… and i was wondering if i am really messed up or is she right?

    Thanks for listening.

  14. Hi Ruby, I too was recently bombarded with this type of fetish and I would like to point out a few things I’ve noticed on my husband’s quest to “convince” me to try this.
    First of all, “convincing” and “pressuring” sound an awful lot a like. Choosing better terminology would be appropriate I think.
    Also, I do not think referring or promoting reddit as a reliable source is such a great idea. That was the first site he directed me to, and it consists of about 50% men who are wanting/already engaging in “pegging” and about 50% men who have been indulged in such play and are now “curious”. Many many stories of men who are now ready for the “real thing”. Not very helpful material for already apprehensive women IMO. And your own opinions seem to differ on reddit from what you write here, you are very supportive of married men exploring their “curiosity” with other men, whereas here you are VERY adament that strapon sex does not eventually lead to wanting other men.
    All of this combined with the fact that you cannot even seem to get even a handful of women on your own site to discuss how great it is, I will have to assume this type of fetish is great for men (and a small percentage of women) while being tolerated at best for the majority of women.

    1. Hello Linda,

      Undoubtedly, you are not the only woman out there who is not thrilled about the idea of pegging, so I am going to post this on my blog as well as respond in the comments here.

      You sound angry. I’m sorry that you are at a crossroads that sounds not at all comfortable for you.

      Others have taken exception to the word “convincing”. Point taken. I suppose a better choice would be “Talking with your partner about Pegging”. Using the word ‘convincing’ in the title was not meant to encourage men to pressure their partners. It is unfortunate that you felt ‘bombarded’ by your husband’s approach.

      I have no control over how your husband approached you, however. That was his doing. I certainly did not tell him to send you to reddit. The reddit community pretty accurately represents the gender split of people interested in pegging – about 80% male and 20% female, and has its value amongst the various places to talk about pegging. But it not a place I would send a woman already apprehensive about the concept. It is not a good place to get an easily accessible and organized collection of accurate pegging information. It is a place to ask questions, share information, stories and, of course, share videos and photos for pegging aficionados.

      I did indeed start this website adamantly insisting that strap-on sex does not lead to wanting the real thing. Eventually I saw that sexuality is more fluid than that. Even if a man is straight and has never considered sex with his own gender, discovering that so much pleasure can be experienced through anal penetration can perhaps awaken a heretofore unacknowledged bi-curiosity. No way to predict that. Plus, society still judges men who express bi-curiosity or identify as bisexual pretty harshly, which encourages them to hide any such desires. They could be identifying as 100% straight for fear of judgement, the wife leaving, etc.

      So can exploring anal pleasure through pegging lead a man to want sex with another man? Yes, it can. There is no way to know how often that happens, and I encourage you not to guesstimate based on what you found on reddit. I’ve been talking with men who enjoy pegging for about 5 years in many places on the internet, the pegging classes I teach, and personal emails. I’m going to throw out my best guess, since you offered yours. About 5-10% percent end up wanting to explore sex with men.

      As far as my blog here is concerned, I realized that in my adamant ‘he’s not gay’ stance, I was not leaving any room at all for bi-sexual men. So I did a few podcasts about it. Initially in podcasts 16 and 18, I talked about labels. Then in podcast 46 I talked about my realization stated above, and invited bi-sexual and bi-curious men to write/call in. The wide variety of responses was enlightening. From men who see other men on the down low to a couple who have incorporated his bi-curious urges into their fantasy play because he never intends on acting on it. Now I understand that sexuality is more fluid.

      your own opinions seem to differ on reddit from what you write here, you are very supportive of married men exploring their “curiosity” with other men, whereas here you are VERY adament that strapon sex does not eventually lead to wanting other men.

      Let me be quite clear, here. I have never been supportive of married men who have an agreement of monogamy with their partners, lying to their partners and exploring sex with other men. If exploring sex with men is something married men desire and they talk to their spouse about it and come to an agreement regarding said exploration – I support it wholeheartedly. Just as I support all honest, safe and consensual sexual exploration. I do not support breaking a promise to your partner and being dishonest in the name of sexual exploration.

      All of this combined with the fact that you cannot even seem to get even a handful of women on your own site to discuss how great it is, I will have to assume this type of fetish is great for men (and a small percentage of women) while being tolerated at best for the majority of women.

      You will find a better representation of percentages on my podcast because I read letters and questions from my readers/listeners. I don’t solicit people to write on my blog. Again – no way of knowing the real numbers, but I do think they are reflective of the reddit gender split – about 80/20. Recently I did 2 interviews on my podcasts talking with women who love pegging, just an FYI, and I have many other women lined up to interview.

      So – pegging is certainly not for everyone. Indeed, it sounds like it is not for you. I would never encourage a woman to peg her partner if it was an act she felt she had to ‘tolerate’. No one wants an unenthusiastic sex partner. Maybe pegging is not for you. And if it isn’t, you need to tell your husband that unequivocally.

      Since you felt free to offer criticisms and make assumptions about my website, I am going to feel free to offer a few things for you to think about.

      Imagine finding a sexual act that can offer you orgasms 10 times more powerful than anything you’ve ever experienced, but your husband refuses to try it with you because he is afraid it is a gateway sexual act that will lead you to wanting other women. Example…you’d never had oral sex, and one day heard how amazing it could be but your husband refuses to do it because it might make you a lesbian.
      Or…Imagine being able to give your husband so much pleasure in bed that it rocks his world.
      Imagine experiencing sex from the other side of the bed for once. You get to discover more of what he experiences during sex and he discovers more of what you experience. Imagine how much more understanding and compassion it could offer you both, and the potential deepening of intimacy.

      If pegging is not for you, it’s not for you. But I encourage you not to reject the idea out of fear.

      An interesting and related link.

  15. I have been married for 14 years and my husband when we first met said he tried the gay thing but it wasn’t for him but now he has asked me to pegg him. I know you say if he like females then he isn’t gay but he is also only liking to do it doggy style. I don’t care if he is but I want to know for sure and I cant seem yo just ask Is he or isnt he gay?

  16. My fiance started pegging me around 7 months into our relationship. I was so worried I might be gay and I talked with her about it. She finally helped me by introducing a gay friend of hers to help us both find out (both of us were curious because I liked it so much). Well he offered to spend the evening with us and got completely naked and I’ve never been more turned off. He was an average looking guy but I am not into men. Found out I’m straight but like getting kinky with my girl. Simple as that.

  17. What if you catch your fiancé cheating behind your back with a secret butch (football player looking) lover that he meets up with for her to fuck him in the ass. Then found text that he was considering letting her two gay friends fuck him. On top of it he never told me, his fiancé, that he liked ass play. Am I a cover up to his secret life? Is he possibly fighting the fact that he is gay. Is that something I can even come back from? Is this a sex addiction? Can therapy help? Some times we have issues in the bedroom. He can’t get hard. We have to have sex on his terms and when he wants it. I’m not willing to wear a strap on for him. My sexuality and my sexual play just doesn’t get that kinky. I would have used toys on him, but now knowing he had a secret life for the past 6 years, I don’t know how to process that. Please help with your opinion and thoughts. I’m very confused and hurt.

    1. So sorry to hear about your experience with your fiancé. 🙁
      I don’t have all the answers you seek, sadly. A Sex-positive therapist is what I would suggest, but only if you want to save the relationship and think you can learn to trust him again, or if you are interested in opening up the relationship so he can get his strap-on needs met elsewhere. I wish I could give you a big hug – this has got to be so hard for you. I read this and responded in my podcast #137, but only you can decide what to do. Even if you choose not to go to the therapist with him, go by yourself to have some help processing this.

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