I regularly receive messages with the general theme of wanting something for nothing. Here is an example.
I used to have this awesome pegging thing with my partner. I broke up with them. I can't afford a pro. Where can I find another person to peg me so that I can get my needs met? Not looking for a relationship, just the pegging.
As a woman who loves pegging, and as a professional, this always ticks me off. I'm going to tell you why.
First off, I am acutely aware of how much effort it takes to be the giver of pegging. A lot. When I first started seriously exploring pegging, I had some fun. I welcomed a bevy of beautiful young men into my bed just so I could fuck their sweet asses. They were enthusiastic, lovely to look at, and responsive. They couldn't hold a conversation with me afterwards, but I had fun fucking them. Pegging was all very new and exciting. I was exploring my sexuality and healing the painfully non-sexual end of my marriage. But after a while, I felt the imbalance of giving my time, energy, and skill without getting much in return.
I do not enjoy receiving sexual attention from casual partners, so sexual 'servicing' as many call it, was, and is, of no interest to me. They wanted to get pegged. I had no interest in receiving anything sexual from them. In any successful kinky interaction, I feel it's important for both people to get their needs met. Trade needs to be equally attractive to both parties.
I am specifically speaking to receivers who do not want a relationship. All this doesn't apply otherwise. Searching for a giver who will come fuck you, for free, with nothing expected in return, just because they love pegging, so that you can get your needs met, is completely unrealistic. There is a very small chance of finding someone who is going through a stage like I was. All givers who love pegging don't necessarily have a stage of casual pegging just for the fun of it, however.
I do love pegging. Absolutely. Enough that if I could do trades for gardening, cleaning out my garage, or running errands, I'd be down. And I have tried trades like this. But in 13 years, exactly 3 men kept to our trade, showed up, completed the work, and received a good fucking. Three.
I know there are a lot of receivers who really, really want to get fucked, and can't afford a pro. That doesn't mean they deserve something for nothing. I really, really want my garage cleaned out, my yard cared for, and my errands done. I can't afford to hire people to do those things. That doesn't mean I automatically get something for nothing.
If you can't pay with money, pay with your time, and offer a trade that works for you. I don't spend time searching for someone who loves doing gardening so much that they will take care of my yard just because they love gardening. That's unrealistic.
Some of you refuse to pay for any kind of sexual services, not wanting sex to be 'transactional'. You may think all professionals are drug addicts/diseased/thieves. That still doesn't entitle you to something for nothing.
This is one of the reasons I began to offer professional services. I encounter a preponderance of receivers who act very entitled. They want their needs met. They think that they should be able to find a giver who will give them something for nothing. I decided that where I am concerned (and many other givers have decided similarly), they can just pay for it.
If you can relate to the message at the beginning of this piece, please stop and consider. What are you offering in return for the services you seek? Or are you wanting something for nothing?
I suspect this will be an unpopular opinion for many receivers, but there you have it, straight from my side of the pegging experience.