Frustrated Wannabe Peggee

From a Reader:

Well, I guess I can only say I have really had it done to me once, and it was very brief ...and I absolutely loved it. For the longest time pegging had always been something that really excited me and the idea of being bent over and ordered around by a woman just made sense to me. I knew I would love every minute of it. Unfortunately, the girl to try it was my girlfriend and she got very weirded out by it. She was so passive and submissive herself to begin with that it just didn't work out at all. She actually ended the relationship because she was so weirded out; she thought I was gay. I don't need any reassurance of my sexuality; I love women and have many a gay friend. I actually work at a gay-friendly place where I get hit on constantly and it doesn't phase me one bit, it mostly just makes me laugh.

I guess my main question is, how do I find a girl interested in pegging? I have been with a good deal of girls, and its unfortunate because all the really cute ones, I can't even get them to get a finger down there. This one time I fell for this girl that wasn't all too attractive, but I was attracted to her because she had this really dominant personality. Once we got into bed though, she was so submissive it made me sick. I just don't know what to do any more. Its been driving me crazy for over 3 years now. I just want to find a girl that will really bend me over and make me scream. I tell you this because you just seem like the lady to go to with questions!

Dear Reader,

Thanks for calling me "the lady to go with the questions" - I'm honored to be seen as such and appreciative of your sharing.

I'm sorry to hear your ex was so kink un-friendly. That sucks. You, however, sound pretty clear about what you like; what your needs are, which is so excellent. Always honor your kinks.

There are a couple of posts here on the blog...These may be helpful.

"No...He's Not Gay"

A (Virgin) Reader's Question

Regarding finding a girl whose kinks work with your own...

The internet is practically made for sorting through people, filtering them. You can go to (a paid site) and get specific about what you want in your profile. Although you cannot search for women who do pegging specifically, you can search for cross-dressing, Bondage and discipline, Miscellaneous fetishes, Exhibitionism & Voyeurism. Sadism & Masochism, etc. with a gold level membership. Even without the gold membership, you can check each person's kinks if they have filled out their profile completely. There is a question "Tell one of your favorite sexual fantasies" where you can let it all hang out and you can also peruse the fantasies of others to get an idea if your kinks match. But that site costs money...

I have also seen recommended (free!) as they have a questionnaire that will classify you as kinky or not (this is all hearsay - I have no experience there). Some people say they have found kinky people there...and it is free, so perhaps it's worth a looksee.

My favorite site (free!) is I love that place. The site is really kink friendly, and although it is designed more as a social networking site than a dating site, I have met and played with 2 men from the site in the past. The best thing about FetLife is that you will find a group to join that speaks to exactly the kinks that turn your crank. For example - I belong to a dominant women group. There is also a group called "submissive men and the women who love them", and several pegging groups as well. If you join the groups that appeal to you, read the posts and discussions and participate, I suspect you will not only learn things about yourself, but you'll be in good company.

When other people share about their journey and pose questions, it helps everyone in the group. For example, I discovered that within the dominant part of me there is a sadistic side as well. I had to come to terms with that and handle myself responsibly. My BF loves being spanked, flogged, and paddled. More accurately, he loves that I love it (the attitude of a submissive) and submits to it eagerly. I am learning how to play safely, how to use the different implements with expertise.

The bad news...You are unfortunately in a rather large group of submissively oriented men who are looking for a dominant woman. So you are going to have to stand out. You have the looks to do that easily (whether you post a face or body pic), but you will need to spend some time on your profile (there are even people who will help you with that and posts speaking to how you need to approach a Domme). I can give you those links. Make sure you are approaching the girl, not just your fantasies...some guys get so caught up in their fantasies that the girl wearing the strap-on gets lost in the obsession to find the strap-on.

There are many different kinds of dominant women...Pro Dommes who do it for money...Abusive, bitchy Dommes with an attitude and a penchant for stepping on your balls...sensual Dommes who do sensory play (spanking, flogging, nipple clamps, etc) but are actually concerned about your pleasure as well...and amidst all of these, not all dominant women like pegging. Many women who love pegging are a bit dominant, though. Make sure you communicate clearly with anyone you are considering playing with to avoid misunderstandings; so that you both get what you want.

Other sites that I have heard about but have no experience with: and I've heard those site are a little more (sometimes a lot more) hard core with the BDSM aspect.

Best of luck, dear Reader!

Ruby Ryder

Leave a Reply

Your Source For All Things Pegging

Information and resources for anal sex, bdsm, strap-ons, intimacy, and female domination. Let Ruby know what you think! Leave a comment, register for erotica, or catch a webinar.

More Articles